A
female
age
51-59,
*ari2011
writes:Hi, I'd just managed to make my huaband of 15 years confess he cheated on me almost everytime he went on a business trip; almost 6 times a year. The hardest thing about this truth is that we had a solmen promise from day one to be honest to each other. We agreed if any ever cheated, one could tell because honesty matteres most. We have a very active sex life. I go out of my way to fulfill his every wild fanatsy. During our first 7 years he used to confess to cheating. I would show some hurt but then we'd put it behind us and eventually fantasies about it. But then he started coming back to me with stories like he couldnt do it because he thought of his kids and becuase he loved me too much, and then, when abroad, he started to call me literally crying and asking me if I'd still consider him a man if he couldnt do it. Happy, I would assure him, he is the most sexy loving man. I had my suspessions lots of times, but based on our deal and his decietful claims I ignored them. I'm a devoted wife and mum. He's a great man as long as I am revolving in his personal space. What hurts me most is that he didnt only deceive me all these years but that he even so often made me feel sorry that his love for me led him to doubt his manly-hood. What's worst even is that he told me he thinks he didnt confess earlier as I would start annoying him whenever travelling and that he's coming clean now because he stopped travelling. It is shattering me. Please please help me. Tell me what you think of him and what you think I should handle it. Thank you.Maria
View related questions:
cheated on me, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Unfortunately you set yourself up for this by allowing him to cheat and forgiving him time and again early on. He clearly cannot change and enjoys cheating on you. Living like this is screwed up - because it is not a marriage. Do you think so low of yourself to let this go on? Be assured not all men behave like this. I'd suggest kicking him out but to be honest I think you'd have him back in the blink of his guilty little eye. So what advice would you really like? How to put up with this rubbish for another 15 years? If you want out of this sordid marriage then you need to feel that energy to leave from deep inside. Your life revolves around him and not yourself - you need to change that.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I agree with SweetSmoochy.Cheating is never acceptable behaviour. My policy on this is: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.This was a complete lack of respect on his part. He thought you were stupid enough to believe him, while he continued to indulge in all these other women. That's so deceitful.And what's worse, he may have put you in danger as well if it was unprotected. I would recommend to get yourself checked ASAP.This guy seems to be a serial cheater. If you want your marriage to survive, you need to go to marital counselling, or at least he needs to speak to a therapist to get his attitude and views on marriage sorted out.In my opinion.. I think you should consider leaving him. You deserve so much better than this. Really, you deserve to have a man who you can trust wholly and love completely, and them the same.I'm so sorry this has happened to you. This is one of my biggest fears in life, to have my life partner cheat on me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Do you put up with this because you live a good lifestyle? This is nothing new to you he has been cheating for years. It has become a habit. I doubt very much he will change now. If you can adapt to the financial and emotional change by leaving him this is your only option if you can't accept the situation any longer.
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I understand that you're trying to keep an open and honest relationship. That's a good thing. However, it's not a good thing that you are continually forgiving this man for cheating on you.
You deserve to be treated better than that, first off. Second off, you're teaching your kids that cheating is ok. Your sons will grow up thinking that they can cheat on women, that it is ok to be unfaithful. Your daughters will grow up thinking that it is acceptable to have a man treat them that way.
This is a terribly damaging thing in all areas, and whether you try to hide it from them or not, your children will find out what has happened. If you can't find it in yourself to kick this man out for your own good, do it for your children. They need to be shown that cheating is an unforgivable behavior, not one to accept and endure.
...............................
|
