A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused and upset, partly because someone I thought was a male friend has hinted he wants more (and he is married).I do have a conscience, but I do get on very well with him though he is lot older than me. He gave me his mobile number and asked for mine. I am afraid it may lead to more.... please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): he had the audacity to tell you he wanted an affair with you, just how much does he value and respect you?
he will use you then drop you at an instant.
your life is too precious to waste it on a jerk like him.......you have too much respect and integrity. no matter how tempting it is, plse don't phone him , you will be openeing up a can of worms and believe me the worms will eat you up faster than you can say "mistress" or "other woman"
A
female
reader, Harmony1st  +, writes (7 April 2009):
I will start by saying if this was to go further it would destroy your friendship and other lives. He is a married man and has made vows to his wife to be faithful to her in good times and the bad. For him to be searching for something else indicates there are issues he is not dealing with at home. He needs to be fair to himself, his wife and family and communicate with her.
If you are a true friend you will offer this advice to him and suggest they seek counselling.
You say you have a conscience so the best thing to do is to emotionally detach yourself from him and his issues. This will free you of feeling guilty and used.
I'm saying this to you because I am the wife in this situation. My husband had an affair with a mutual friend of ours who was also in a de facto relationship. Since the affair has been discovered she has been left with no one and my husband and I are working on repairing our marriage.
When I asked why my husband had the affair his response to me was it made him fall in love with himself all over again and it was temporary relief to his issues. He hates this other woman now and himself for what he has done. These relationships are built on guilt, shame, secrecy and mis trust.
I truly wish our friend gave my husband the advice to speak with me and seek counselling rather than make a selfish choice to have an affair with him. In the end all they did was create more hurt and pain for themselves and our families, it was all for nothing.
Good luck with your decision, I only hope you make the right choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Telling him you're not interested will be hard becoz he hasn't hit on you directly. I think you should just walk away from your friendship because it already sounds like he is cheating on his wife with you - becoz his wife doesn't know about you.
If you were married and your husband had a female younger friend that you didn't know about, how would you like that and would you be okay with that.
Anytime married men seek a friendship with single younger women, they only have one thing in mind.
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