A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have many close friends, all which know each other and we all hang out at the same time a lot. This is really great at times, but it's starting to pose some frustration for me. My best friend, whom I will call Peter, and I are very close. The thing is, whenever I am doing something with another friend who he knows, he will ask to come or invite himself and it's causing me anxiety because sometimes I am going to a friends house because I got an invite and I feel annoying constantly asking for him to come. Today, a couple friends and I decided we are going to get piercings, and he asked to come and I told him that there we 4 of us going and I didn't think it was a good idea to bring more people because they are probably are going to be irritated so many of us are coming at once. I basically just feel so guilty and it puts me in this really awkward position. My friend said "oh that will be a cute little girls day" like he's trying to be nice but I don't know, he can be condscending sometimes so I start thinking the worst. Has anybody ever felt this way? I hate it.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 It can be annoying when friends cling and it makes it awkward when you have to ask if they can be included, annoying on other friends too, who might feel their presence an intrusion. Does he have male friends of his own he sometimes hangs out with? You could try explaining to him nicely that you need a girls day out sometimes or that sometimes you need to spend time with a certain friend and that you're not hanging out with them to be mean or to leave him out, just that sometimes you need different friends at different times. You're entitled to spend time with other people without your friend and I really don't know what else to suggest as I feel your friend might resent being left out no matter what you say or who you go with. Include him when you can and when you can't then he'll have to deal with being left out. He can't always expect to be included.
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