A
female
age
36-40,
*ppledapples
writes:I cannot stop thinking about my ex and masturbating to him. I don't wanna masturbate to him anymore because it makes me sad and forelorned and all that "ugh" stuff, like no one can make me feel like that again or something. Because basically, he was the first guy to make me feel that way (no he wasn't my first everything either) I've tried fantasizing about other men, Ala Robert Downey Jr. or my Ceramics teacher. These are men I have the hots for. What the eff is wrong with me? Obviously I still have feelings for my ex and the heebee jeebes, but this is ridiculous. I can't even masturbate anymore with out feeling sorry for myself.Is this normal? Have any of you experienced this? How did you guys cope? I wanna stop, but I don't because they're is just too many good times.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I think I know where you're coming from here. You don't want to fantasize about this guy, but it is hard not to because he clearly makes you feel turned on. But after, you feel bad about it. It's a vicious circle!I'm wondering whether you still have feelings for your ex? If so, then give yourself more time. I think it is natural to feel this way, but eventually it will get better.If you don't have feelings for him though, and it is a purely sexual thing, then I agree with the previous poster in that you should try and consciously think of something, or someone, else, although this is obviously difficult.On the other hand though, I think that it isn't wrong to think about this guy while you are turned on. If someone makes you feel like that, then it is natural that you will think of them in those times. There is nothing wrong with you, people have all kinds of fantasies!I think the main problem here is how bad you feel afterwards. If you can't stop thinking about this guy, then maybe you could try to just accept it for now, and see if it eases with time? Like, once you've touched yourself over this guy, when the bad feelings kick in, just try to ignore them and move on. Don't dwell on it, don't give it any more thought. Just accept it, don't beat yourself up about it, and move on. I know this isn't easy, but hopefully it will get easier with time.I hope this helps.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Its a conscious choice to masturbate with an ex in mind. That is why you are feeling guilty I suppose. Overall, its not too healthy to do this, and I think you know that. Because... I'm sure you do a whole fantasy thing surrounding it. Like a scenario in your mind of what's happening between you two. What you say and feel.. And I'm sure it just raises up contemplation about the relationship and how it failed, especially after you are done masturbating.We guys turn to porn in times like this.. impersonal, no feelings needed to muck it all up. But, I understand that women think a bit differently. So... I dunno, find someone else that makes you "feel that way" besides your ex.
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