A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have waited for this girl for 3 years already. She's in a relationship with her bf for 5 years. She tells me her relationship isn't healthy because she went through a lot of break ups in this relationship but then patched back and she also went through a lot of emotional hurt. She has a very possessive bf. She started liking me since last year her feelings were on and off and that is hurting me. She has got trust issues and also finds it hard to break up with her bf even though realising her happiness doesn't last long in this relationship because she has frequent conflicts with her bf and she ends up emotionally hurt. I really want to change her life for the better, but she's just afraid she can't move on after breaking up with him but she still has feelings for me. Can she end this hurtful relationship for good?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): She can if she really wants to. But if she has been in the relationship for 5 years, it seems unlikely. And although she says she has feelings for you, if it has been a year now since she has developed feelings for you...again, that is still a long time. I know you want to make her happier and treat her better than her current boyfriend, but only she can change things. If she is choosing to stay in the relationship, there isn't anything you can do.
Three years is a long time to wait for someone, and I am sorry to hear you are still waiting. I can't see this pattern changing, and I think it might be best to try and move on. I know you probably do not want to, but it just seems sad to me that you are putting your romantic life on hold for this girl, and this may just continue as it is. I think that if she really had deep feelings for you, she would leave her boyfriend. She is not, so although she may be confused, she is still choosing her boyfriend. Meanwhile, you are having to wait around.
I think it might be time to try and get some distance from her. It will be hard, I realise that, but I think you are missing out here. Of course, it is your decision. You can either continue waiting, for however long it may take, or you can cut yourself free and explore new possibilities. It really is up to you.
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