A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:Hi I'm 22 going on 23 this March. While that doesn't seem old at all, just this summer I had my first boyfriend. We lasted only 2 months, though it was an experience I guess.He dumped me because we rushed it and he went from crazy about me the first month to wanting nothing to do with me the second. It makes me lose faith in myself and guys in general. I tried really hard not to let it get to me but it did/does.I'm just really worried now that I won't be able to find anybody else that's my type. I do have standards and I feel like the type of guy that I'm looking for doesn't exist, or at least doesn't live in the US or my state. I feel like I need to travel the world or move in order to find someone who is right for me.I really don't feel like my standards are that high. I have to be attracted to him and he has to be a good and responsible person.I never used to be in such a rush before, but ever since I had my first relationship I've reconsidered the whole idea of family and motherhood. It was never something that I wasn't dying for like some other women out there. But I thought back to how potentially great it is and I feel like yeah...who knows I might want to be a mother someday if the right person comes along.And then I got to thinking about how I might not ever get that opportunity. I would like to have kids in my late twenties, before 30. The deadline is 35 to reduce risk of birth defects. It's a big phobia of mine.So right now i'm still in college and have not yet established any sort of real career. By the time I graduate I will be 25. What are the chances of finding someone who makes me want to start a family with them before 30. I'll only have 5 years and a shorter number of time if I want kids before 30. I guess I'm just trying to say it's so, so hard to find someone. Especially considering the general nature of men, who have fears of settling down and would much prefer to have a variety of women and experiences rather than settle down with just one. That isn't to say they don't, but the fact that my boyfriend dumped me makes me think I'm not worthy of being a girl someone would want to settle down with I guess. Of course I don't want to find someone just so we could pop out babies, but I can't get this out of my head. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Try not to base your current feelings and worries on just this one short relationship. Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince/princess... my one question to you: are you actively trying to meet new frogs regularly??
I think its generally a misconception that guys are "afraid" to settle down... many just want to find the perfect girl before they finally do and fortunately for us there's no rush as we don't have the whole "biological clock" thing to worry about.
Keep your standards, keep your chin-up but keep an open mind and good things will come to you.
Best of luck :)
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