A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I wonder if you can advise me. I posted on here before and got some good balanced sensible advice which really helped so I'm back for more!I met a guy in February on an internet dating site. We are going to meet in two weeks time. We got on well and had a lot of contact but he can be a bit flaky with contact.We had contact this week and all is ok but now and then he seems to feel able to be 'flaky'. He is nice, not malicious or anything like that ..... We spoke for hours on Monday and spoke a few times a week over the last week and last night he said he might be online and was .... i mailed him at some point in the evening to say Hi how are you? and he did not reply ... he read the mail but did not reply. He has done this before here and there .. and seems to think nothing of it. A mutual friend of ours emailed him the same evening and he replied to her that he was looking forward to his date in two weeks .... (ie with me) but yet he did not reply to my email. He is usually ok but now and then gets a bit flaky with communication.I get really annoyed about these things as i find it discourteous. I don't expect him to talk to me all the time but if i send a mail surely a quick reply back is polite, even if to say 'hi i'm fine hope you ok but busy just now' or whateverThe thing is we have not met yet so i guess nobody owes anybody anything but we do have quite a connection so far ... am i overreacting or should i just see it as nothing ... and if I DO decide to mention it, how can I phrase it without causing an argument? Sorry if this sounds silly but I just came out of a damaging relationship a few months ago and am a bit sensitive and maybe I do overreact but i gets me so cross and I almost was on the verge of cancelling our meeting but a friend said that might be a bit OTT. Any comments would be gratefully appreciated ...Thanks :) Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (16 July 2008):
 You guys haven't even met yet so just relax, okay? This is just a different perspective and it might be the one he has: I don't invest any energy into online dating until I meet the person. I don't even consider it "relationship building" or getting to know one another. If by chance, I meet a guy online and it seems like something other than casual "hi, how are ya?" kind of friendship, I will meet them in person before I start investing time in them. To me, this guy is giving you a lot of contact. I would not spend the amount of time he is on someone nor would I be real receptive to it if my aim was to start a relationship. This just may be where he is coming from. I think it's fine he didn't email you back. Let me ask you this, why do you need all this before you even meet him and make sure he is who he says he is? You may not even be attracted to him at all! Your standard at this point should be basic respect levels like not calling you wierd names or suggesting sexual things and doing what he says he's going to do. For instance, if he says he'll call you on Monday, if he calls, great. If he doesn't, move on to the next one. Don't be so available, let there be some space and less expectations right now. Honestly, the way you sound is like you are already in a serious relationship. Yes, you are over the top. You didn't really give any examples other than not replying to your email that night, why did you email him? Let him email you when you get a "maybe I'll be online"- that should tell you to take a step back, not that he's not interested, but that he wants to meet you first before this thing gets full blown like you want it to already, that's not smart. If the guy is telling you things and not backing them up, that's another story and then you need to stick to some basic standards and write him off.
A
male
reader, longandsmooth87  +, writes (16 July 2008):
well this is kinda like a story an old woman told me about a woman that was very interested in a man and he didnt pay her as much attention as she did him. but anyways the moral of the story was cats (women) dont chase dogs (men), so make him pursue you. let him kno that your the woman that you should be pursued not him, so basically ignore him for a few days just so he knows that your not totally interested. it works, and if at the very worst he stops talking to you, then you kno he wasnt the kinda guy you wanted to be with anyway
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Well I actually think you should just ask him, in a non-nagging way... if possible! Maybe just out of curiosity (as if you didn't care), or just bring the subject up without directly going into him not answering and see what he has to say.
The truth is when you start to know someone (by whatever means) this is the time to see their traits and attributes. What he is now should probably give you an idea of how he usually is. Meet him and talk to him, you'll have a 6th sense of it further on!
Good luck!
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