A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:People lie everyday believing that sometimes lies are necessary to protect someone's feelings. But do lies lead to an emotional disconnection with the person being lied to? Are lies barriers to true intimacy and growth within a relationship; even when the person being lied to never finds out about the lies? What do people think of the statement that once one lies, and there is an inevitable snowball effect of more lies, true love, intimacy, trust, and genuine understanding are no longer possible? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Yes. I believe that is true. My bf and I have been together for almost three years, the first year we dated for 11 months and broke up for three because there were too many lies between us to there point of no trust was there. Most of this was on my part, but I was so used to lying in relationships thats how I thought they were supposed to be.
I saw a counselor and although my memory is shot because of a car accident and I have some brain complications, we tell each other everything. Sometimes too much and things I don't want to know, but our relationship is so much better this time than it was the first time around.
I truly think honesty makes all of the difference in a relationship and it should be there no matter what. My bf has told me the truth since the first time we dated, even if I didn't want to hear it and I know that I can trust him and I depend on that.
Without any trust how are you supposed to love someone?
A
male
reader, VJay  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 My girlfriend used to tell me that relationship builts on honesty and trust. So if you really want a good relationship, be honest to your partner, dont keep anything between the two of you, if possible, no secrets should be kept from each other. In that way, I'm sure your relationship will last longer.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Depends on the lie. There are white lies ("Of course you don't look fat.") and there is flat-out romantic fraud ("I'd never cheat on you.")
Just remember what the two of you signed up for when you became exclusive. To use the above examples, the girl got into the relationship with the understanding that her boyfriend would love her even if she put on ten pounds. If he won't, they should break up, or she should ammend her understanding of the relationship.
On the other hand, when you become exclusive, there is (by definition) the understanding that neither of you will sleep with other people. Lying about that is breaking the terms of the arrangement in order ot ahve your cake and eat it too. It's greedy, it's wrong, and any belief otherwise is a self-serving rationalization. These sorts of lies will snowball.
Additionally, it's hard not to feel contempt for someone when we continue to trick them and lie to them. Con artists feel nothing but contempt for their makrks, and liars are the same way to their dupes. Lying sabotages your own ability to respect the person you trick.
Then, of course, there's the moral aspect - being a self-serving, habitual liar is inherently bad, no matter what you gain from it. You owe it to your lover to be the best person you can be for them, and part of that is being honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): Lies destroy all things. Because in the end, they do find out. If you lie, what else has the other person got to hold on to, to trust you? Simple nothing.
Lying over where you've hidden their christmas prezzy is one thing, but real cold hard lies are the beginning of the end.
Without trust there is no relationship!
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