A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, was just wondering.. I'm 20 years old, and am currently seeing a man 11 years older then me, is there anything wrong with dating older men? I know each person is different and so but from a psychological point of view is it normal to have feelings for a older guy or younger girl for that matter? Thanx a mil!
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female
reader, Littleangel  +, writes (13 October 2009):
Hi ya,I'm 28 and with a man 15 years older than me, and have been together for some time. For us it's about the 'connection' - I know that sounds corny, but we laugh at the same things, have similar views, respect each others strengths and weaknesses ...... I could go on for hours ........ Do I think the age has an impact... probably ..... I remember saying to him, do we work because your young for your age or I'm too old for mine!! Maybe it's a bit of both.If it works, it works! If it was a man your own age, would you question the psychology of your relationship? Probably not. Someone close to me was with a woman 20 years his senior. It didn't work out as she was incredibly controlling ...... but she has issues in all of her relationships know matter what age her partner is ......I guess what I'm trying to say in this long drawn out message (sorry!), look at the quality of your relationship, if it's right for you ...... then enjoy and be happy!And yes, I have a very good relationship with my father, and have a very equal relationship with my partner.Good luck :)
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 I guess we could all go back to the biological aspects of the early days of man and try to figure out this question from there. Men naturally want young women. They are programmed to pick out the best suited for becoming pregnant and being fertile. Women around ages sixteen to twenty one are most likely the best choices as far as instinct and evolution are concerned, but it is an entirely different situation for women. Women are supposedly wired to choose the more experienced and physically fit men in order to mate, so the best genes are carried on through their children. Also you could bring in the entire 'never had a father' complex and bring it into what a woman is looking for in a man, and you usually result in women choosing 'father like' figures in their mates.
So what does it all boil down to? Supposedly it is normal for a woman to go for an older man. How much is older though? Probably at the most, ten years. All the cave man theory stuff is great, but I don't think it really applies in modern day society. I think that there are a lot more things that a modern day man and a modern day woman can relate to one another, so what they have in common serves as a better platform for mate selection rather than age and fertility (though they still have a play).
So if there is too much of an age gap, I think that the relationship ends up sour, simply because a woman in her twenties and a man (let's say) in his fifties have very little in common. In your case however, I think the age gap would work maybe if you were a bit older. There is quite a bit of difference in a twenty and thirty year old, rather than a thirty and forty year old. While it might be considered 'normal', I wouldn't consider it productive. But it's up to you! So good luck.
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A
female
reader, Sammycake +, writes (13 October 2009):
 From a psychology point of view, yes. Females tend to idolize their fathers as the perfect man, so feeling attracted to a man who has similar qualities to your father is perfectly normal. Sick, yes, but that's what Freud says.
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