A
female
age
36-40,
*annabhappy
writes:I have been with my highschool sweetheart since i was 17 im 21 now, I am engaged to him, he is 24. obviously i am young and naive about how the real world is most of the time. My fiance and I have been having a really rough time together. We havent been able to get along at all. He is in school with a full time job, I am working 55-60 hrs a week to make ends meet so we do not have a whole lot of time together, when we are together we feel worlds apart. I ask him if he wants to stay together and he says I am too good for him I deserve better. He says he wants to stay together then in the next breath he says he doesnt think he can. When we talk I get one word answers from him most of the time. I dont want to take no for an answer but I dont want to push him in a realtionship his heart is not in. Is it possible to bounce back from this "rough patch"? Or should I just give up? I really am willing to do anything to keep him, but if hes not in it with me its useless. Help, Anyone?
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female
reader, wannabhappy +, writes (31 October 2008):
wannabhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much, your answer is refreshing and incredibly helpful.
A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I am also married to my high school sweet heart. Even though I love him tremendously I think maintaining a relationship through your early to mid 20's is one of the toughest things to do. You are both changing so much. One of the things thats difficult to cope with is that I think it's hard to set long term goals at that age, because what you want in life is never really clear until you finish school and start living on your own a little bit. Sometimes a couple grows apart in that aspect.
I get the sense that your problems are probably brought on by the stress of work/school/money right now. It's totally normal to have stress in your relationship in these kind of circumstances. Usually it comes from feeling like you need to take support from each other, but not being in a position of mind/heart/energy to give support. I think that you can try to have a frank discussion with him about what he thinks he is missing in the relationship, what he needs from you, and vice-versa. If it is available, I would consider couples counseling to open up lines of communication.
Short answer, I DO think you can work through this rough patch. You can probably get him interested in participating in the solution by approaching him from the perspective of wanting to better fill his needs. And if he's worth two grains of salt, he will want to reciprocate. Good luck!
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