A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for a man to still not want to begin a new relationship 12 months after splitting up with the ex?A bit of background… they were together for three years. It was his most significant relationship to date (he is in his mid-thirties). The relationship was long distance and it ended when she gave him a three-month ultimatum to move in with her and he did not.He says he’s still not over her, but if she meant that much to him I don’t understand why he wouldn’t do as she asked.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): It is possible. I was in a similar situation (LDR, broke up because of certain circumstances we wished hadn't occurred). She managed to move on quickly but it took me 2 years before I was completely over her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Sounds like your guy is a major commitment fobiac.Those are hard to deal with. I would stay away from him. No, it's not normal to blame your previous relationship that ended 12 months ago for not being able to start new one. The dude is in his 30's. He couldn't stay in a committed relationship for more than 3 years ever in his life? And even that relationship was long distance.Here are several indication that a person is affraid of commitment:1. Never been married and past 30. Not always the case, can be different circumstances, but the older a person, there is more probability.2. Choice of relationships: long distance, married people, troubled people (like some kind of addictions)3. Closed in personalities, he/she not letting you into his/her life, such as: you never see his friends or family.4. Limits how much time to spend with you, telling you ahead of time:'I only have 2 hours till 8:30"5. Finding faults in everyone he dates, little things like loudness, or not being sofisticated enough or her parents are weird, things like that.6. Inconsistency in behaviour: calling you one week every day, then dissapears for a week, leaving you wondering what as going on.If you recognize few of them, then that's who you dealing with. Hope that helped
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): I am almost 30 and in a similar situation, I went 12 months without going in to a relationship, I then started one but realised I still wasn't ready and it quickly ended. It's been 24 months since the first relationship now and I am still not entirely sure I am fully over it. I don't usually have any problems with emotions, however that relationship breakup did hit me pretty hard. Like this man, I still wouldn't have wanted to move in with her, due to living with someone before and it not working out... I just would need more time. If he says he's not over her then he's probably not.
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