A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem, my bf and I have been together for 8 years going on 9 years. I'm currently going to school and he is to. we are both finishing school in a couple of months. Anyways, there was a time when he and I where very close. He would hug me, kiss me and want to be around me "just because". At the beginning, when we where about 2 yrs together, we decided to break up because I was moving away from college withiness then a month, we began to talk again and realized we both wanted each other and wanted to make things work. little by little though, he has not been the same. We are now 9 years together and in order to get a kiss, hug or sex I have to ask him to hug, kiss and if we could get a place so we could have sex. I really luv this guy a lot but I never hear an "I love you", " I want you, I want to have sex or anything". I have asked him over and over whether he still wants to be with me and he says yes. Sometimes I have even asked him if he would be better without me but he says no.He works nights shifts and we dot live together but I'm wondering if that is what is wrong with him? I try everything and I long for him to be like before but he says that that is the way he is now. He kisses me and hugs me when I ask him and when we have sex it is good. When we go out and we drink, he is always all over me telling me he loves me and how he sees me in his life and wants me to be the mother of his kids. He always also tells me that I'm beautiful and the sex is amazing! When I ask him to see his phone he never objects and he is usually always home becuase he dosent like going out with anybody really but me. there has never been a reason to doubt him but I do question this.I try to talk to him but he always says the same that nothing is wrong. I nothing is wrong why does he act like this? Why does he not compliment me, hug me for no reason or kiss me for no reason? He is 25 years old so y wouldn't he want to have sex a lot or frequently?His parents love me, my parents love him and everything seems to be perfect and everyone around us says we are meant for eachother. We have a great time together but everytime we talk about marriage he always says he wants to wait till he is stable and can offer me things. he is the type that when we walk in somewhere and sees a pretty girl he might look but he dosent Starr and always keeps his eyes on me :) .... We have been through a lot together but I kinda of feel emotional we might be growing apart. We have things in common but how and what can I do? What is going on? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I will defenitly try this. I did have physical insecurities before although he has never told me anything a out my physical aspect. I hav lost a lot of weight and find that I am able to wear things now that I know I wouldn't have been able to wear before. I have tried to wear things before during sex but he really won't say much. When I ask him if he likes it he says yes. I can tell and he still loves me but I dont know why he acts like this. I do tickle him, message his back and do things here ne there for him but sometimes I ca t help but feel impatient with no response
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 June 2011):
 You didn't say anything in the post about flirting or playful behavior with him. Are you taking the time to tease and flirt when you talk? Do you stop randomly to rub his shoulders or grab his ass? Do you wear heels and a short skirt around the house for no reason sometimes? When's the last time you jumped into his lap while he was watching TV, then just watched with him there, tantalizing him with your presence without escalating on the spot? Fixed a him a sandwich at a random time during the day? Tickled him awake?
What I'm getting at is that being 25 is enough to give a man a sex drive, but you as his girlfriend have your role to play in activating and directing it. Going out seems to do it, and if the sex is good, then he still responds well to your physical advances - and he still cares enough to put in the effort for good sex. But you don't mention anything you do in the relationship besides asking for hugs/kisses. The thing about relationships is neither of you can ever really stop seducing each other. Ever. If you're going to have sex one night, foreplay starts the morning before.
Try it for a week. Take whatever amount of flirting, playfulness, and wearing sexy clothes around the house that you have now, and increase it. See how he responds.
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