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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am married and have only known my husband for 2 years. We have a 15 month old son together. We have separated once for six months because of abuse. But he is only on a peace bond as I told the courts I lied about the assaults although I hadn't. I am really stuck and he controls me. I do not talk to my family much anymore as he will not allow me too cause he blames them for me going to the cops. If I threaten to leave him he threatens to get full custody of my son and to never let me see him. This is only a bit of the story. I am stranded and don't know what to do. Thought maybe some could give me advice or if someone can relate. I can't go to anyone. Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, helpful girl  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 i was in an abusive ralationship im only 19 and i was 15 at the time everytime i went round his i had to watch my step if i did one thing out of order id pay 4 it. my mom chucked me out one night 4 being with him i stayed at his 4 2weeks thats when he beat me so bad that i was put in a coma and nearly died when i come out of the coma i pressed charges and he was arrested, i went back home to my mom. i suggest you get out quick b4 its too late and he kills you. when his at work or goes out pack your stuff and your sons and go make sure you arrange some where 2 stay first a hostel or some where he ent gonna know you are. arrange transport to move your stuff. and i doubt hell take you to court for your son but if he does he wont win you have to admit he did beat you the last time you was in court and that you was to frightened to admit the truth incase he killed you literally, the reason you admit it to them is because you realise one day he could seriously hurt you. youll need proof though so any eye witnesses to bruiseing any ohtos or little bit of eveidence will do. BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO GET OUT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE AND HE KILLS YOU! after the court is over arrange to move some were far away as possible were he cant track you down and dont tell any one other than your family were your going. Keep in touch with me please as i worry for your help my email address is [email address blocked].
A
male
reader, cherub +, writes (12 July 2006):
 It is so sad to hear you feel that you cannot talk to anyone and feel stranded.It must be awful thinking there is nothing much you can do and facing all those threats.Listen to swimgirl126380 re;safe havens and the police.
He is acting like a neanderthal in this modern age,using aggression and threat,worse still as there is your boy in the house.He doesn't deserve you.In your mail there wasn't a single mention of the word love,probably it had worn thin by now,so,be strong move on to a new chapter in your life with your son,there is no dress rehearsal for this life,be brave.
It is understandable sometimes been afraid of facing up to new challenges in life,it can be difficult,but you will have the support of your family and kind people from the safe havens.You may even in time feel trusting enough to go into another relationship and find someone worthy of you and you of him.Furthermore you managed for six months away from him before(well done) you can do it again hopefully this time permanently.Nobody and I say it again nobody deserve to live in fear and feel completely isolated.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, SwimGirl26380 +, writes (12 July 2006):
 Here is some good advice as I have family members who are cops and I am a counselor: call the police and ask them if there is anything you can do in this situation. They have tons of referrals for you to go to safe places. I know Safe Nest is in our area for women and children in your predicament.
Also, be proud of yourself for recognizing that you are being abused! For most women, this is a tough first step to accept! Seeing a counselor could help your situation as well. If funding is a problem and your children are in a school, you can talk to the school counselor there for other referrals. Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): You shouldn't have lied to the authorities. This doesn't mean your hope for a better life is undone.
I support your family's invovlment in looking out for your welfare and the welfare of your child; this is what families should do.
I think that him telling you to not have family is a big time warning sign of just how untrustworthy he is as well as indicates how abusive and unhealthy being with him is.
He is not capable of love and has no understanding of what love is. A loving man would never lay an abusive hand on the love of his life, NEVER.
He doesn't decide who is the better parent, the courts do. You are at home raising your child, you are the child's mother. He has to have suffient evidence that you are not a responsible mother.
A responsible mother will know and recognize that staying with an abusive man is harmful to you and your child.
By staying with this violent and ugly man, you are teaching your son that he can grow up to be an abusive and violent man with the women he loves. You are saying that that is what is acceptable on how to be in life.
Exposing your child, your son to such a home of neglect and abuse sets him up for future unhappiness and he will believe he has no worth and will hate himself.
Your beautiful son needs a loving home.
You know what is right and I support your decision.
You need to commit to your decision to leave and go to your family. You need to go to a lawyer and tell him all about your relationship and the recent peace bond deal. You need to go to a program that will have answers and optinos and you need to have a good support group.
You came here and that's a start.
What state are you in?
Please get back to me on this. I am willing to do my part to help out another when they are in a situation like yours. Been there, done that.
*hugs*
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