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*ood grief charlie brown
writes: Sage advice gratefully accepted.I a 41 year old guy. I met a girl about 6 months ago in a personal ad date thing and we have been seeing each other since then. We have been getting on very well and I realise she is something a bit special.She says she loves me and in a way I love her. The 'in a way bit' is the problem with me. In fact my personal history of being a serial dater/boyfiend is my problem that I am wrestling with. I am unhappy out of a relationship but rarely satisified in one. Strike that..I have never been satisified. I have been in many relationships and mostly ended them all, back on the lonely path of seeking miss right. I create an amalgam of the good characteristics of all my previous relationships and and that is the cross I have to bear for the next one. Even I can see this is a recipe for disaster but it is the way it is. This current girl is important to me, kind and understanding. She lacks serious bits that I feel I need to be happy but then there have become so many 'bits' I am at a loss what to do. I do not want to end up a lonely old bugger but find compromise very very hard. It feels like some terrible happiness gamble. Certainly I feel happier with her than on my own but the missing bits seem so important.Musing, I can see why people who get together young have a better chance. They dont have the terrible baggage of all this. Ring any bells with anyone. I really would appreciate some wisdom.Mark Reply to this Question
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reader, finesse150 +, writes (19 May 2005):
Hi there, Well it's a common problem, and I imagine it's because you are the type of person who might be a little overly-nostalgic of girlfriends past. I think that the key thing which you need to accept and understand is that no woman can be that perfect one which you might create in your mind. Sure, you should look for qualities that you like. But once you begin to like someone, I think it's important that you focus on the positives and appreciate them. If she appreciates your taste in music but not in movies, then got to a concert together and not the cinema. In this way, I feel that the affinity will grow as you enjoy things together, and the 'imperfections' will become less and less important.
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