A
male
age
26-29,
josher
writes:Ive been in a relationship for over 9months now, previously were like rabbits, we both enjoy sex but for the past month my partner wont even let me touch her, always making excuses, in tired, ive got a headache, i feel yuck or when i go to cuddle or kiss her she will roll over or get out of bed. i dont understand. when i ask whats wrong all i get is, i dont feel like it all the time. its been over 1 month now,she still reassures me that she loves me and tells me dont feel as if you cant play with my body, but once again as soon as i try and touch her anywhere or cuddle the same happens again. please help im confused that someone can go from hot to cold so fast. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 josher, I have to admit I have many many female friends like this and it's not mind games and it doesn't really mean there is something wrong with the relationship. I fear what you are seeing is just her natural sex drive. In the beginning of the relationship, people often bend over backwards, women and men both, in showing you their best side and are more motivated by hormones and endorphines. This is that "falling in love feeling" and the chemicals released cause people to want to have sex all the time. One friend in particular, she starts out in her new relationships having sex everyday and then it dwindles down to about 1x per month after about a year- it's just her normal cycle. I have a guy friend I've known for years that's the same way and I always wonder when he gets a new relationship, when that girlfriend is going to come to me asking questions about what's wrong in their relationship or was he like this with his other girlfriends, sigh! I think you need to ask her how often normally she likes to have sex based on her history. If she says that more frequent is what she's experience, you may have a problem and can work from there. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I've experienced the same thing you are now, and guillaume is painfully right. This is an area men can not understand, and it is from this point forward, that because of his unknowing what is going on, he takes it as rejection and then begins to withdrawl, eventually, the relationship gets to a point one or both will have an affair.
I wish I could explain what is going on with her, but I can't, and my relationship, because of the hot and cold moments, has me bitter towards her. She can never explain it, as mention by guillaume, she may not even know herself.
Guys can get like this to during this process, where they get rejected and over time the forget it to heal, but remain numb, which she and others notice, and then she again is affect by your mood change and it becomes a vicious cycle.
Sometimes, we expect to much from each other.
If men and women could break this cycle your going through and described, we would live very happily together, she getting what she needs, and us men getting what we need.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I began to do the same thing to my partner. I would not let her touch me. I was having an affair with another women.
...............................
A
male
reader, guillaume  + ♥, writes (25 April 2008):
Hi,
In answer to the title of your question...Yes, people do blow hot and cold...hero to zero in a minute.
I'm going to state the obvious here...she has an issue that's on her mind. We can give 101 suggestions but we are only second-guessing...you don't know because she hasn't told you directly. Don't force her for reasons, she may not know herself at this moment.
Be her friend at this time, ease off on the body contact and see if she can then feel relaxed to mention something to you. Just give her some space and make her feel at ease without telling her you are doing it.
That's my take on your situation! best wishes, G.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): Im sorry to say it but she sounds like she is playing mind games with you. She wont let you touch her but one month after you break up she says she loves you???...it sounds as if she has someone else in the wings and is hedging her bets until she is sure shes found a better thing.
Men and woman play this game all the time and its very human but very hurtful. You must look at how this is affecting you. Its obvious that its confusing you and making you unhappy. I would tell her that you are going to give her space to sort out her issues (painful and hard to do, I know this) then stand well back and get on with organising your own life and if she really does love you then she will respect the break and come back to you on much better terms.
Don't allow yourself to be manipulated or toyed with...another woman wouldnt treat you in this way!!!
good luck
...............................
|
