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male
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anonymous
writes: The guilt tripping, mind games and control tactics of my father has influenced me to such an extent that i can't see myself living on my own or making my own life. He has raised me up in a way so that i satisfy his ambitions and wishes in life. In my culture, children generally do try to fulfil expectations of parents. But for me, it is way too much and forceful on me. My father has tried to create such a huge burden on my ego using his mind games that i will die if i were to fulfil them one by one, but he would never be satisfied. He rarely bothers about my wellbeing, i am just an object of manipulation to him, a means to an end. The paranoic view he has created for me of the world outside makes it difficult for me to relate to others or trust others. I don't know how do i reduce this heaviness in my chest that is purely my father's gift to me. I am just 24 and have already started losing motivation. I have nothing much to look forward to and am waiting for my father to give me an order of what should i do next in my life. I feel non-existent entity without his guidance and control. Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): You need what they call a "strech goal"- something that is more than you think you can do when you start off but as you go along you find that you are adding capacity and it is obtainable. If the goal is cant be dont be you it becomes more of an discouragement than encouragement. Not everyone is capable of being a good surgeon (for instance) but if you work with a career consoler and have a plan toward a worthwhile goal that you are making progress toward I think that will make your dad happy.Remember that fathers dont want sons to fail.... they just get frustrated when all the potential they see isnt realized.
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