A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner 5 yearsWe don't live togetherI don't think I could because the lack of intimacy would hurt too much - by not seeing each other every day I can find reasosns why we are not intimate.My question is can this carry on and is it possible to think about a life long commmitment to someone who is not interested in you in that way.Prior to getting with my current partner I had a very satisfying love life with previous partners (only two long term relationships). I really miss it though I often think it's been so long now it can't really be all that!It doesn't seem normal to me that someone would want to be with me but have no desire for me... I am far from stunning so it's not like I expect guys to be falling over themselves for me but if someone claims to want to be with me surely you'd normally think they might want to do a bit more than hold hands ocassionally?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): yes of course, for the majority of people, they want to do more than hold hands. You need to speak with him about this and see if there is something inhibiting him from having a real sexual/physical relationship with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Yes, it's possible to think about a lifelong commitment to someone like this, and I'm wrestling with it as well. Whether it's possible for such a lopsided relationship to last for a lifetime is a different storyPeriodically I evaluate, as objectively as I can, exactly what I'm getting out of this relationship, and whether the positives outweigh the lack of intimacy. What it comes down to is that while I can't see myself living the rest of my life in a sexless relationship, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. So I ask myself the old Ann Landers question: Are you better off with him, or without him? So far the answer has always been "with".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): You need to talk to him
5 years and no sex he probably assumes that your Ok with the way things are. Few would be happy though, holding hands is all very well but it doesn't replace the intimacy of sex with the man you love.
Good luck
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