| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi! I am a 22 year old girl and I have been single for over two years now. After lots of dating I finally started to hit it off with this cute, smart, and loving guy. I was very happy and excited. The problem was that I had to leave town to study abroad for six months. Before I went away we kissed and he told me that he liked me, but then he never wrote or called. Now I am back in town and this guy keeps sending me all this mixed messages! One day he will be very nice and call me, but the next he completely ignores me! I dont know if I should just try to get over him? (it is too hard . . . I dont know if I will ever be able to fall in love with another person again) ask him what is going on? (guys usually freak out with talking, I don't want to scare him off)try my best to win him back? (is he worth it? will I risk getting hurt? waste my time?) please help!
View related questions:
mixed messages Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jojo +, writes (16 August 2005):
if he has not been in touch he might want to leave it where it was, but he could also have really felt hurt and did not know how to talk to you about it. Sort it out by talking to him he might feel relieved that you still want to be with him maybe he is just waiting for you to make the first move coz he thinks you will have been the one who has moved on thats why hes pretending hes moved on and you dont matter.what have you got to loose nothing, but you do have everything to gain.Good luck take care jojox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2005): He’s confused, that is all there is to it. When guys go "AWOL" somethimes, it's because they aren’t really sure what they want from you but they just know they want you in their life. I know it isn’t fair but some guys are slow to come around and when they play the “come here, come here, come here… go away, go away, go away” game it is usually because they just don’t know what they want beyond knowing you. A guy who acts this way does like you, he just isn’t sure how much he likes you or how he wants it to play out, so he does what it takes to keep you around and then pushes you away if you get closer than he is ready for you to be. There is nothing you can do to push a guy who is stuck in this rut. You can wait it out-and be aware of where he is coming from. Give it time and relax. Just live your own life..and don't worry. Take time for your friends and family. If it's meant to happen-it will.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2005): Before you pusue anything with this guy, remember: Sometimes the greatest loves are built on strong friendships and you can never know what the future will bring.
If he was interested, I do question "why" didn't he call you (even occasionally) when you were away for 6 months? Two answers: It could be he didn't see a future at that time, knowing you were going away and your relationship just wasn't strong enough at the time to give him any indicators that you'd still be interested while you were gone or...he's moved on and just considers you only a friend.
Don’t expect him to come running back to you just because you are putting out signals that you want him again. Still call him, text him,(but don't OVERDO it) He's going slow, you need to as well. Some of the most greatest love relationships always start out as good friendships. Let him become your best friend, first. That is how trust is built and it's the only way to go. Overdoing the contact in the beginning could seriously backfire on you. When that old spark starts firing up again, he may be try to get out of the fire. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he isn’t interested. It could mean that he is spooked. Why? He may have a fear of getting hurt or he may be in another relationship and his heart may be torn. If he is in another relationship, don't interfere. Respect that and be just friends. For whatever reason people rarely rush back into an ex's arms right away. Be diligent, expect some resistance and be aware that in this endeavor your ego may get some bruises.
But know when to give up. This is not so much indicated by the amount of time that has passed as it is an accurate reading of his true feelings. Your instincts are your best friend in this; they rarely lead you astray. Instincts often tell a truth the heart is unwilling to accept.
Listen to him, listen to your gut and back off if one or both are adamantly telling you to. Be willing to have him in your life as a friend even if he won’t be your boyfriend. There are lots of reasons why a guy who cares for you will keep his distance after a time away, even when you are sending out all the right signals and it isn’t always as simple as him not wanting to be with you. You may have to accept that (for now) friendship is all he has to offer you and then truly be his friend. Nothing is set in stone when it comes to love and things often feel over when they really aren’t. Continue to get out there and have fun with your other friends. Live your life to the fullest and accept "he may not be the one"...be happy and always keep a positive frame of mind. Good luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ann +, writes (14 August 2005):
I think you should ask him where you stand when he is all being nice to you and all and if he don't give a good answer or he ignores the question you should not waste your time with him no more. Yes it will be hard to get over him I have been in that same boat as you. Things will get beterwhen you ask him even though it might not feel like it but it will. It will take some of that feeling does he want me or not you know so what ever you want to do good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (14 August 2005):
 never wrote or called for 6 months? that's a long time. how come you never wrote or called to him? well yea it is suspicious that he didnt write or call to you though.. i think you should ask him hwat is going on, and whether he still likes you because 6 months is a long time and things can change.
...............................
|
