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I want to be his friend but I wonder if my attachment is somehow unhealthy

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Question - (18 June 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 June 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So, I have known this guy for almost a year now and we have become great friends. He seems like a really good person and I like being friends with him. I secretly hope that we will become Bff's for real. He seems to understand me and his level of patience is what makes me feel comfortable around him. I am a survivor of incest and molestation so I rarely take to guys so well even though I enjoy their company more than that of women. In short, I rarely get this close to people. Recently, things have changed. I find myself wanted to talk to him all the time and when I am unable to get his attention I feel melancholy. I don't think I am clingy because I encourage him to distance himself from me. Recently, he has become infatuated with the girl we work with. Almost every conversation we have now is about her. I like that he wants to start dating again. I have been trying to play his wing man for sometime now and it seems that it has been working out well besides my discomfort sometimes. A day after he met her, we ran into each other, he ran at me and slammed me into a door. I tried to run away and he yanked me so hard I fell down. I chalked it up to his excitement about her and the fact that he doesn't know how strong he is. He is a pretty big guy but since then I don't trust him as much. I have recently rejected that position because I don't feel like it is healthy. Since then he has been distant and aloof. I try to talk to him but his responses are very curt. My question is: what they hell is wrong with me? I want to be his friend but I wonder if my attachment to him may be....unhealthy? I have no sexual interest him but then again I am seldom sexually attracted to anyone.

View related questions: his ex, incest

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2014):

I'm trying to do that but I really do like being his friend and he's quite nice to me. It was just a miss understanding it seems. Thank you for your advice.

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A female reader, Read-the-signs United Kingdom +, writes (18 June 2014):

I think that you will be giving more than you are getting from this rather one sided relationship/friendship. This man doesn't seem to treat you properly. I think you could find better friends where there true respect is reciprocal. You are worthy of good friendships, so please don't settle for anything that makes you unhappy.

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