A
female
age
30-35,
*old_as_ice17
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 4 months. I have always respected my body so I wanted to make sure things were steady before I even thought of having sex with him, even though I have had sex before with other boyfriends in the past. The problem is that now that I am ready to have sex he just confessed to me that he does not want to. I am 18, he is 24. He says my age bothers him when it comes down to sex since he feels i'm too young. I dont have a big problem with not having sex but I would just like to know how to tackle this problem with him since I do want to have sex. I do believe I love him and he loves me so why not? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): it sounds to me that he is too old for you, explain to him u dont mind and u are happy to that may change his mind
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): After re-reading my answer, I feel that part of it is wrong. I don't think he is having sex with anyone else. You have not mentioned any suspicions, and I have read too much into it.
Yes, it is not mutual, but I also shows respect for you. Be glad you have a guy like this.
...............................
A
female
reader, cold_as_ice17 +, writes (9 September 2009):
cold_as_ice17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question He would playfully bring up the subject of sex but never mentioned what i should or shouldn't do. Since the start of our friendship(we were friends) i made it clear to him that i was not a girl to be played with. Actually i just spoke to him and asked him why (if he doesnt want to have sex)does he still touch me in ways that makes it seem like he does? His response was that he can't help himself around me. I asked him if he was sure it wasn't anything about me or himself that turned him off to sex and he said no that he was sure. He did tell me that he is trying to get over the whole age think.
I'm starting to believe that he genuinely is concerned a little about my age. I will try not to push anything, i'm in no rush and enjoying our relationship as it is.
xoxo,
thank you all :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): In response to the anon poster (9/9) that commented on the poster (me)that they thought may be working from a false assumption i would just like to say that, i agree that dating doesn't have to include sex; i was just merely responding to this *particular* question - which clearly *is* concerned with sex. Its true he may be genuinely concerned about her age, although i still maintain the belief that if he is so worried about having a sexual relationship with this girl - why bother dating her at all; dating, at very least, works from the basis that a guy is at least attracted to a girl enough to be having intimate thoughts about her, even if he is not acting on them. Ergo, if he is thinking about his girlfriend in a sexy way - can we assume that he feels guilty about that too? I say that feeling desired and sexually attractive is important in a romantic relationship (after all, thats one of the things that differentiates between a friendship and a relationship) even one that doesnt involve physical sex. I think that, if this girl would like to develop a sexual component to her relationship - then she has a right to say so. That does not mean that her boyfriend should be coerced into acquiescing to her needs, of course, but a relationship is a two way thing - and they would need to work on a mutually agreeable resolve. No, sex is certainly not everything in a relationship...but it is likely to become a part of it eventually - and the age difference between them will always remain the same. Presumably then, his attitude to her age will too. If this is the case, its up to cold_as_ice17 to decide how comfortable she is with a no-sex relationship. Both stances are perfectly acceptable - its an individuals decision. I still wish her lots of luck with her boyfriend, whatever they decide to do about the issue.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I just want to add that I think the other anonymous poster was working from an assumption that may be false. Dating does not always have to include sex. He may think she's okay to date but wants to wait til she's older before actually being intimate with her. Just because someone is dating doesn't mean that they're going to definitely have sex, although you can often assume that in the future sometime they probably will.
As for your issue, poster, what was he like about sex before you agreed to do it? Did he often bring it up or suggest that you should do it or make moves? Or was he always seeming less interested than you expected? It's possible his reasoning is genuine, but I agree, it's something you should talk about.
...............................
A
female
reader, cold_as_ice17 +, writes (9 September 2009):
cold_as_ice17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses :) Well it did seem weird to me he doesn't think that i'm too young to date but not old enough to have sex. To my knowlegde he has had sex before (unless he was lying). He does genuinely seem concerened about my age. When he told me he asked if i was mad and of course i said no. I am not mad i'm just curious because i have never came upon a guy who was so conservative to say. There have beens times when we came close to but i chose not to. So i don't know what changed his mind. But thank you all for your response. I will talk to him about his feelings towards sex tho.
xoxo :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): First thing - its good that you have enough respect for yourself not to give sex up for a guy right away. Its definitely a good stepping stone to getting someone to really respect and value you! Good for you.Secondly, you seem to have a slight dilemma now, eh? Well, personally, i would be slightly curious about your boyfriend's response about you being 'too young' for sex. He obviously doesnt think you are 'too young' to be dating... one thing you should think about here is, has your boyfriend had sex before? If not, he might be using it as an excuse to delay it, due to his own worries or insecurities.If he is not a virgin, i would definitely sit down with him and ask him what he's playing at, thinking you are old enough to date, but not old enough to have sex with. Not many guys are, sadly to say, prepared to wait an indefinite time for a sexual relationship to develop once they have lost their virginities (he may be one of the few who are, of course, only you will know the answer to that)so it does seem slightly suspicious that he doesnt want to sleep with you. Another possiblility - could he perhaps be gay? Lots of gay guys that are too afraid to come out (for whatever reason) need a girl on their arm to keep up the heterosexual pretence. Needless to say, if he was gay, sexual desire would definitely be affected by his sexuality. I hope you dont think i am saying that he *is* gay - just asking if it could be a possibilty.You have already approached the subject of sex with your boyfriend, so it is up to you whether or not you want to try to talk to him about it again. However, although you are happy to wait for sex (and there's no reason why you shouldn't be happy - sex isnt everything) its not fair that you should be denied a satisfying sex life either - if its something you want to have. Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): The answer is obvious to this one! You shouldn't have sex because wanting to is NOT MUTUAL. He may be telling you the truth, I don't know. He may also be lying and having sex w/ someone else. Don't make a big deal of it, give it time, and "go with the flow" to see how it evolves.
...............................
|
