A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was having a discussion with my wife who became very angry with me and started to cry.It was a minor misunderstanding but she went downstairs and laid on the couch.I went down and appologized if i said something that bothered her.She pushed me away(she often wants space)She fell asleep on the couch for about 2 hours and then woke.I again tried to talk things out but she didnt respond at all.I became angry and went for a hike.When i came home she was in our bedroom with the door locked which made me very angry and i decided to go for a drive.Just drove for 5 minutes and came home and she was back on the couch.I touched her shoulder and asked if we could talk.She didnt move .I shook her gently and still no response.I completely lost my temper and said i was done and was leaving and called her a miserable c word(but i said it) She started crying and said she wasnt feeling well (Was hormonal and to leave her alone.)Then after 5 minutes she said ok you are done and nobody talks to me like that ever .Said she was leaving me.She spent all day ignoring my apologies and keeps going out to look at apartments.We have been together for over 10 years and hardly ever fight.We have had a great relationship and i lost her in 2 horrible sentences.She HATES ME now.She is huge on respect and i really messed up .I have lost my temper with her a few times but never spoke to her like that before.I honestly believe she is done. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): I don't think that she wants to leave a 10 yr marriage just because you called her a bad word. There is something else going on that she hasn't communicated to you. Think hard, maybe she has but you weren't listening. It sounds like you both communicate in different ways. You being more expressive and she seems to oppress her feelings. If I am right you need to respect her space and when she is ready to talk....listen. I can assure you that something else has been brewing slowly. Have you ever considered counseling? Surely a professional can get to the bottom of it and save your union. Best of luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): What are your options? It sounds as though you're sincerely sorry for what you've said to her. It sounds as though you've told her as much.
Have you considered that maybe the argument was a catalyst for her to act on feelings she already had?
Don't force her to talk to you. All you can do is be open and patient with her, if she chooses to come around. It's her decision now; respect that.
Regardless, just remember for the future how much words can affect the people we care about.
-Kevin
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): Something has been stewing in her head during the ten years you have been married for her to take so much umbrage when you lost your composure since "you HAVE HAD a great relationship". She's mad at you for something that you didn't reveal at the onset of your post. Why was she being so delicate? Why didn't she want to talk or be touched? Why did she want to be alone? What was the discussion about that made her defensive? May be she wants out? I don't think it is because you swore at her, which, being human, we all engage in when we can't get our partners to commiserate with us.
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