New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login226283 questions, 984031 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I just can't say 'I love you', even though my partner says it to me.

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 May 2005) 17 Answers - (Newest, 12 June 2010)
A , anonymous writes:

I have had long-term relationships in the past and loved every single guy but they never really loved me back until I met my current partner. He is always telling me he loves me but I just can't say it back. I don't understand why. Pls help.

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010):

I understand how you feel. Telling someone you love him or her, is letting go and exposing yourself to the possibility of being prone to be hurt again. If you don't say you love them then you can't get hurt as much (At least is likely the way you are thinking) the problem with that is you can't hide from being hurt we all are prone, the fact you don't know why you can't say it tells us you feel it but are afraid to express it, so if you feel it saying it won't matter if the relationship doesn't work out. In all relationships someone always cares more it is never 50/50...some will say the one who cares less has the power, but what power is it if the relationship fails due to hiding how you feel. I believe you just need time because you have been hurt, you found a guy who is emotionally mature and can express himself...so in essence you are at the edge getting ready to leap, without taking the risk to love him you will never feel the highs of that relationships...as safety is not an emotion its a wall...and some of us put up walls because we have been hurt, and some to see/test others to determine how much they love us by tearing the wall down..It would be interesting to know how old you are, and even more perhaps if this guy is saying he loves you with just words and not showing you action (ie respect, time spent, treating you well, prioritizing you) because that could be your issue, maybe you see the red flag and dont know how to leave and hold back from saying i love you cause you know its not right....whew...good luck

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, jennajeer United States +, writes (30 July 2009):

i have the exact same problem. i can't even tell my mom i love her without feeling weird. i don't understand it. i can't even say it over the internet. /:

i have no idea how to fix this. /:

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008):

i struggle to believe that you don't know how you feel. you've obviously given it a lot of thought, and DO know how you feel - you should never feel under pressure to feel a certain way, but if he's put his cards on the table - it's only right that you do the same - as i can gauruntee, it will eat away at him constantly if you don't.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

I think its because you're afriad that he doesnt really mean it, that he loves you. i think it's because you're afriad to get rejected and disappointed again.

I also think that you still dont trust him that much:)

Hope things will get better between both of you=]

Goodluck!

[sorry for my bad grammar^^"]

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

sometimes, you just have to give it some time, and as your partner to please not push you for the words "i love you" tell them you are happy to be with them, and will always care about them, but give he/she must give you time to realize how much you do love them, if you love them at all. I think that not loving yourself is a factor, or having felt like your heart was broken in the past is also another. The person could be in a different point in time than you and you may feel that their feelings are not reasonable, and that they don't know what they want, so you don't trust in their feelings. Maybe because sometimes things can seem too good to be true...but it takes time for you to find out just have patience, it is not the end of the world afterall...just a bit of suffering, which we must all go through.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

Are you in Love?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

ok, well heres how i see it.. since you have been in 'long-term relationships' before and you knew or thought that you knew you love them and they didn't really love you back the way you did, now that you have someone that really does love you the way you love them your hesitant to tell them you love them. I think that you should just set up a romantic day or evening (which ever fits your scheduals) and just say that you love him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

hi there you know I have the same problem, he said he loves me, calls me everyday, before sleeping, sms's me and he says the only girl he finds perfect for him is me. You know i just can't say it. sometimes i think i'm in love with him but i'm not sure.. that's why i don't say him back

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007):

Read what makes a narcissist tick. You have some of the Narcissistic traits. Thats what it is. Learn from that site google it

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, sexyapples99 +, writes (8 November 2006):

sexyapples99 agony auntDo you love yourself? Because you should. There will only ever be 1 you on this earth. What does it matter if you don't say i love you all the time as if two people are intwined then they feel it.

No spoken words unless the time is right.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):

I've never been able to say i love you off the cuff the word makes me feel sick to my stomach,Yet im forced to say "tell me tell me",I do but under force. I feel your not a lone theres loads of people that find the word hard and others use it even when they dont really care,I show love by doing everything for the person i love but thats just not enough...Hugs xx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006):

If you love someone you should say it whenever you feel it. Life is too short to keep things like that to yourself. Speaking from a relationship of over 2 years in which I express my love but my partner is unable to and has never told me he loves me, i know how much it hurts to feel unloved. So if you feel it, say it, dont hold it in cause you dont know how much it could be hurting the other person.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006):

Do you love yourself ? Many people don't seem to love themselves and find it difficult to love someone else. They are always asking themselves, how could anymore love me....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006):

My boyfriend was saying to me all the time that he loves me in the first month of our relationship. Now (after 3 months) he is not capable of saying that, even if I prompt him. I didn't give him reasons for that, I suspect that he has some mental problems, some inability of feeling something when he is in a normal state (like not in love anymore). Have someone encountered something like this?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (8 May 2005):

It's natural, a lot of people in love can't say those three simple words to each other. This doesn't at all mean that they don't love each other.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2005):

Hello there. It sounds like you are a lot like my boyfriend. I am a very outwardly affectionate person but he never really says he loves me unless I prompt him to.

Some people, through no fault of their own, just don`t know how or don`t like to be outwardly affectionate. If you are showing him that you love him then surely that is more important; after all, actions speak louder than words.

I know my partner loves me even though he isn`t comfortable saying those three little words but when he does occasionally say them now (after six years together) they mean the world and more to me.

You don`t have to say it all the time as it will probably mean more if you don`t. The other thing is that perhaps you are subconsciously guarding yourself from the hurt if you have given love before but not got any back. The mind can do things like that without us even realising it at the time. I hope this helps, and don`t worry, I am sure that those three words will come when you feel good and ready to open up your heart completely again. Good luck and take care.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2005):

If you want to tell him, you love him, just write a note, or a card or a simply text him saying that you can't seem to tell him how you love him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I just can't say 'I love you', even though my partner says it to me."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.046875!