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anonymous
writes: My g/f decicided she wanted to take a break from our relationship because she felt that I didn't give her the attention she deserved. In the past I have been really hurt after 'putting myself out there' and I guess subconciously I didn't give myself to her like I should. I told her about this and she said she understood but she still didn't feel 'special'.Now she wants a break to figure things out. I want to show her how much I love her and let her know I will do anything to change things I have done wrong.I want to do this without putting pressure on her. What can I say or do?
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 June 2005):
 Maybe you were ready for public consumption, maybe not. Maybe you have issues, maybe not.The thing is, the girl is worn out. So let's put you aside now, and make it about her. I'm guessing you've expressed to her your dismay and sorrow over possibly losing her. Express it again and tell her you now understand what she's been through, that you're incredibly sorry you added in any way to her despair and beg her forgiveness. Tell her you will abide by any conditions she sets up: if she wants you to stay away completely, you'll do it. If maybe she'll let you send her a letter or email once a week--with no expectation of anything in return--you'll do it. If (joy of joys) she'll let you see her in the company of friends now and again on her own terms, ask her the terms and thank her graciously.Then do it. Whatever she asks for, no matter how hard. This is no longer about you asking for what you need; it's about proving you can put your own fears aside long enough to pay attention to her needs.Good luck to you.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (10 June 2005):
 If you feel you cannot love or be affectionate in a relationship, then why did you get into one and lead this girl on? Love is a giant leap of faith, you know that. This girl loves you she has proven it by asking for your sweet attention. She didn't ask for money or material things, she asked for you! The only way she'll see it is if you speak out of your heart. You know what I mean. Tell her two times a day or more how much you love her, how you miss her even though it has only been 2 hours since you've been apart. How you love her appearance, pay attention to litte changes such as different color lipstick, different hairstyle...we women do this for you. It's nice to hear a little appreciation. Offer a back massage every night. Make up a little song about how crazy you are about her and sing to her every night when you two are lying in bed. Call her at least once a day at her job (unless she asks you not to-might get her in trouble). Sit down and cuddle her when she gets off work, ask her how her day went. Women LOVE this. And listen, we sometimes want your opinion. You can't go wrong with hugs and kisses. There is never enough hugs & kisses. But you have to mean it, genuine affection straight from the heart. Sometimes we women can tell whether or not you are just trying to humor us. Very bad. Worse than not doing anything at all. Have a special night when you cater to her in the bedroom. It's not hard to show affection and appreciation. We women are pretty simple to please. And in trade, you get the key to our hearts and nearly unconditional love.
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reader, zacsma +, writes (10 June 2005):
First you have to acknowledge that you have trust issues. Then you have to decide if you really want to "change" the way you deal with those issues. My best answer would be to help yourself first. If you don't make peace with these issues, you will never be able to truly "put yourself out there" with anyone you care about. Don't be afraid to be afraid. It's a normal emotion. Get to the bottom of your problem by going to therapy. When the time is right, you or your therapist will invite her to participate. Then you can decide if you two can make it work. lots of luck!
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