A
male
age
36-40,
*alph_123
writes:Guys I need a big help!I want you to please tolerate reading the following paragraphs, then only u'll be able to help me. ...I fell into love first time and now I m hurt seriously....She was in my colg for 3 years. We never talked to each other for intial 2 years. Then in the last year she became my friend. Then best friend. I and she used to chat on fone everyday (1-3 hours daily). This went on a lot. One day she called me up and we chatted for 7 hours contniously. I was knowing completely that she was going to propose me, but (i was just not ready for her that day) so i broke her proposing plot, in a mild way. I knew she was very upset that day. I kept my best friendship going on. Later, when the colg was abt to end I proposed her. she did not said yes, not even no. she suddenly stopped taking my calls, stopped contacting me. She she never faced me thereafter even in the college. I dont know why. I msg her that "if u do not feel anything for me, then its perfectly fine. I will continue with the friendship. dont b tensed. Plz, dont stop contacting me, it hurts." she never gave reply to any of my msgs. I was completely ready to accept her "no" and then continue with the same friendship. but she never replied anything to me, and even she started coming to college very late and left very early.Later on I contacted one of my female friend of college and explained her everything, she managed to bring her in front of me and we had a talk.In that final talk even i was surprised, she was constantly showing as if she favours me. I explained her that b clear on what u want from me. even then she had the same old thing - not "yes" and not even "no". I was bugged. I asked her clearly that "should i wait for some more time, or should i consider this behaviour to b no. I'll not b angry". She says " If u ask me on this anytime, i'll not b able to say anything". I thought she needs time so I let her go by saying her to remain in contact. Later,as days passed by she remained the same, no contact anyday. Its still the same thing till today. Another surprising fact is such, that even today if I take any gift for her and give it to her, she readily takes it. I dont know why. I do not ask her again. Her health has got affected+, which I can see clearly when i visit her. she has started spoiling her studies too. This is getting reflected into her results. She never talks to anyone. she keeps all thing inside her. so none of our mutual friends can help me. I am in deeps love with her. I can kill all the feelings for her. But she's just not behaving in one way. I even asked her "is there anything you're not happy with me? anything that u want me to change?" She says "No, there is nothing wrong in you". Guys, plz help me on this. I m really confused on what should I think on this relationship ? Is it worth that I keep my feeling still for her ?Is she dumping me? Or she is just having some other reason stopping her to start a relationship with me ?What has she done? In what phsycological state she is ?
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reader, Ralph_123 +, writes (29 April 2009):
Ralph_123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for your answer starting as "Whoooa. Sounds like a rough relationship........... ". Thanks man!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Whoooa. Sounds like a rough relationship. Sounds to me like you guys had a connection but maybe she was too devastated by your rejection of her that one day? Of course it isn't your fault if you weren't having the best of days, but think about it in her shoes. That rejection could have really hurt. It is always difficult to say yes/no to something such as that.
However the way you are describing this, it makes me feel as though she has confidence or self-esteem issues with herself. She might say nothing is wrong with you, but maybe she feels hurt and wants to be the victim because she doesn't know what she doing and how she is reacting is bad on both ends.
Man, if you are deeply in love with her but she is causing this much trouble, perhaps it's time to let it go. It is VERY difficult to let go of something like this, because once it's gone, you ache, because you don't have anything to fill the spot where she was. It hurts. But be a man! Be strong! Don't keep feeding into the things she is telling you. She might not even be trying to hurt you but if you continue to nag (learned from life experience), she will only be pushed away from that. Call a friend, cry your brains out, masturbate, read, do anything to get your mind off of her. Most importantly, DO NOT CLING!!! Clinging to someone who loves you and ends up feeling hurt only gives them the right to keep squeezing out every apology from you to make them feel like what they are doing is justified. It is irrational, but then again, emotions never were said to make sense.
Practice self-support - look at how much you have done for her. Look at how much you care. I am in the process of doing so with a girl who broke off a FWB relationship and now she doesn't seem to care and I am in a predicament (FWB NEVER WORKS. DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING OF THE SORT, IT IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, ENERGY, AND SELF-VALUE). It is not you who is to blame, but perhaps it is the emotional baggage that person brought into this situation with. It is not your fault in any way, so do not keep destroying your self worth! She has to deal with her own feeling of whatever she is feeling, but if she isn't talking to anyone, it most likely is a problem for her as well. But don't go running towards her, that is no excuse to get back into a bad habit.
Let her go, pity her, and send her love in your thoughts. As hard as that may be, it is best to move on. Bigger and better things are coming for you, and it is time you moved on and accepted those huge rewards and things, rather than feeling sorry for her and more importantly yourself. You did everything you could man. It is just a sucky situation. I hope you feel better, it's always a bitch getting over these hurdles.
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