A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My daughter and her boyfriend met on some Harry Potter fan site a few years ago and have been together now for three years. They started dating when he was 17 and she was 20 and they met in real life only last year. Before their relationship even started, she had major trust issues with men (her ex was not a good man at all). I feared she wouldn't want anything to do with men altogether after that fiasco.I have absolutely no prejudice against homosexuals. None at all; in fact, my second and last child (another daughter) is a lesbian and I fully support her in every decision she makes.Two weeks ago, my family (including my daughter's boyfriend) went on holiday to Mexico for three days. The young man is legally blind (he has to use a cane to walk around and he can't drive), he's an albino, his family history does not impress me, not to the mention the fact that he's 20 and she's 23. One of the only upsides he has in my eyes besides making my daughter happy is the fact that he has his PhD in Technology.All of my fears however, dissipated when I saw how they treated each other when we were checking in at the hotel. They had requested a couple of other separate accommodations (they wanted to be alone together) and my daughter signed the slip for those extras because her boyfriend couldn't see it. And then when I was checking in, my other daughter poked my shoulder and pointed toward the young couple.My daughter was fixing his collar and then held his face in her hands. He smiled, said something I couldn't hear, and that's when my daughter smiled back, stood on her tip-toes, and kissed him. Later, I learned from my daughter that he said, "You're just so damn beautiful when you're messing with my collar."And during the third day of our holiday there, he came up to me and said, "I really don't know how I got to be so lucky as to find a woman like your daughter." And then he asked me something I was completely floored by, "I was wondering if I could have your permission for your daughter's hand in marriage?"It was on impulse, I said yes. But I want to know why I'm still pretty iffy about all this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Probably for a similar reason to that of why the brides themselves get iffy before they get married. It's a huge, life-altaring decision and hard to back out of was put it into order. You've seen her get hurt before apparently, and don't want it to happen again and you're afraid that this relationship could end badly. If it did, later in life, then you would feel aweful for giving him permission to ask her to marry him: you would feel partly at fault, even though we all know you shouldn't. You want to protect her and do what is best for her, but as is normal, you don't possibly have a way of knowing EVERYTHING that is best for her. You're only human and so you have to let her make her own mistakes, choices, etc. but you're having a hard tme letting that go.
But remember this, it was a nice gesture that he pulled to ask for your permission, but had you said no, do you really think he would've restrained... not asked her? Of course not.. he loves her and wants to marry her and that's their decision to make as an adult couple. So if anything goes wrong, the responsibilty lies with them and only them. So you have nothing to worry about. Just sit back, relax, watch your daughter be happy, and hope for the best.
~Sy.
A
female
reader, scarredkitty  +, writes (23 July 2009):
 well, i'm the oldest in my family, and i Don't know if a teens advice will help, but. I think that you're iffy because of the age difference and the fact that they met online first.But if your daughter is the older or second oldest and such, it's also explainable. Mothers tend to be extra cautious for the oldest child/daughter. they don't want to have their baby go away from them and it'll seem like she is. But you have to trust your daughter and the decision she makes when he askes her. Be there for her and support her.I hope this helps you a little. Good luck and congrats for your daughter too.
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