A
male
age
22-25,
MrOveranalysing
writes:I’m 22 (almost 23)year old male and I’ve never had a long-term relationship, I’ve had a couple of flings and far too many one night stands (with boys and girls) but nothing ever fruitful comes of it. I define myself as bisexual, but am perhaps more sexually attracted to men and more emotionally into women (this, however, can vary and its complicated). As I have grown older, I find it much easier to approach and pick up boys (especially in clubs, bars etc.) Whereas, with girls I take it incredibly personally when they are not interested, start imagining they are, when they are just being friendly. However, in spite of my attraction to men, I am looking for a relationship with a woman. This is where my problem enters. I find it hard/impossible to read girls and whether they want to go further with me. Sometimes I take an interest in girls who are in relationships and when they finally become single and seem interested in me I lose complete interest. I can’t distinguish when a girl wants ‘just fun’ or more. Also, another big thing is I am never able to distinguish when a girl is interested or just being friendly, this has resulted in embarrassing situations where i've gone for the kiss and been told I've got the wrong end of the stick. I seem to find flaws in every girl that seems interested, or just plain get worried I won’t be able to ‘get it up’ because I’m not interested enough/don't fancy them enough. All this stuff has started to get to me real bad because everyone – pretty much everyone – of my close friends is in a real proper relationship or on the prowl for one. I know I shouldn’t succumb to social pressure but every time I got to a party with couples I feel like a complete social leper. People try and hook up the singles and most the time its just awkward and unnatural. Moreover, I can’t stand being the third-wheel with my mates and their girlfriends/boyfriends. This part really drives me nuts, it’s like they are so loved up they don’t realise that perhaps the last thing i want to do is hang with them and their wonderful amazing lover. I know its bitterness, but it still hurts.
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (30 March 2008):
 Well first off there doesn't seem to be an emotional balance with bisexual people as far as more deeper involvement is concerned. Granted they are sexually attracted to both sexes but usually can only get emotionally involved with one or the other.
This makes a kind of sense as men and women have different emotional needs within a "straight" relationship. So it is difficuilt for the bisexual to be all things to all men (and women!)on the relationship front.
For gays and straights alike life is much simpler ie; they are only attracted to one sex both physically and emotionaly.
Your starting point is you already know what your preferences are ie; emotional attachment with women, and a sexual preference for men, athough still sexually attracted to women.
And also I can understand that regardless of your diverse sexual history you are wanting to "settle down" in a steady relationship with a woman. Your problem in finding the right one is not that much different from any other guy who has sown his oats so to speak and has a period of struggling with the transition between moving on from bed-hop "going out on the pull" to the completely different scenario of seeking something more long term.
As many straight guys face similair problems as yours when developing a more serious interest in women once they have become bored with playing the field, your sexuality is not all that relevant in this respect.
However you do understand that many woman would find it difficuilt if you have even a slight sexual preference for men, as even the most liberal of women/men who have a bisexual partner would not be all that chuffed to be considered second best in the bedroom by their own partners.
But it is entirely possible that if you actually fell in love with some lady, then you would naturally prefer sex with them over anyone else, and thus instinctly relegate your bi side to a Number Two and a poor runner up at that.
After all, it is often said that love is the greatest aphrodisiac of all. And I'm sure most folks gay, straight or bi, would agree with that.
Regards
Waz
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 No wonder you are confused- I tried to look up some resources or articles to help you but there has been so little research done on this! There do seem to be forums and bisexual communities online where you could talk to other people like you that have had success in this area. I found this link that had the most interesting info on people your age and how they view bisexuality as far as dating- hope it helps or narrows down your female target market!http://books.google.com/books?id=05xLSd3mNKYC&pg=PA126&lpg=PA126&dq=do+heterosexual+women+date+bisexual+men%3F&source=web&ots=srCu1bT2pR&sig=yUTvOeRiyb6aMA0ghhXz1FaXv7U&hl=en
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (30 March 2008):
MrOveranalysing, I compared you to my friend because your history sounds just like his and he was asking the same questions at 21 that you are asking. He is 35 now and still ideally wants a relationship with a woman. I just have trouble understanding if you aren't already sexually attracted to women, how this will change once you are with them. It's kind of a natural process, not a script.
Why do you want a relationship with a woman when your history has been with men? Our choices define who we are. You are responsible for your flings, you know, they don't just happen!!! For whatever reason, women are perceiving you to be more homosexual and that's the perception I got and gave you. Attraction is a chemistry that happens between two people and one I don't believe you can really dictate.
If you really want to give it a try, I would do what you do with men but be a little more subtle. I think your barriers to picking up women are in your head, honestly.
Maybe Rhythm is onto something with bisexual women, I don't know, I haven't been with one.
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A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (30 March 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2, I had never thought of this, it would make a lot of sense. But it's easier said than done. I also think the term bisexual seems to have a very loose 'fashionable' definition these days, whereby many people might claim to be, while having no real qualifiable interest in the same/opposite sex.
Oldersister, I can understand where your coming from. But I never said I wanted an emotional relationship from women, I said I'm generally emotionally attracted to women. You're absolutely right, sex is absolutely essential part of a relationship. I would want a fully functional relationship with a woman. You also seem to have misunderstand, I don't deliberately go looking for flings, but they always seem to end as just that because it doesn't work out one way or another. I don't think comparing your gay friend and me is really helpful because I don't hit on women I have no interest in. Moreover, just because I have many flings it doesn't mean that I will be any less monogomous when in a confirmed relationship. Quite to the contrary, what I'm saying is I want to make that transition from flings to relationships but don't know how. Perhaps, I have given you an inaccurate impression of me.
Okay, how about this, I do like girls, and my friends tell me that "so and so" is hitting on me. However, even when I like the girl I still have trouble knowing when to make a move, to be certain if she likes me or just likes me as a friend.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (29 March 2008):
 Look for a bisexual woman, they're out there.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (29 March 2008):
hmmm...speaking from a female perspective..I wouldn't ever get involved with someone that has sex with men. I almost wonder what kind of woman would. First of all, you obviously prefer men sexually and just want an emotional relationship with women, that's not fair to them. Then you have to worry about fidelity issues- you say you have a lot of flings- I would run a mile away if you came on to me. I have a good friend like this but he describes himself as "gay" even though he does crush on women sometimes but he understands that really...it's not fair to them. He would just be getting in a relationship with a woman to eventually have kids, conform socially, and so his life would be easier. I can understand that but you also have to understand that most women don't feel this is even near the kind of package they are looking for!!!!
From what you've written, you would just be using whatever woman you were with. It must be difficult being "bisexual" and I believe it's not a choice so I can appreciate how difficult this must be for you. However, you have some unrealistic expectations.
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