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female
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anonymous
writes:I have a bf from 8 months now but things between us r so unstable, I feel that we'r not improving, like ok what's next?! Whenever I try and talk about "what's next?" he turns things against me and say that I always wanna make a fuss 4 no reason and that he doesnt want any serious commitment at alllllllll, and he doesnt know when he's gonna want to commit to me seriously like engagement or wedding...However, there is smthin I noticed about him and I cant figure y he does that! this is the 3rd time 4 him to do this and it's really annoying me, what he does is that when things r all gr8 and the sky is blue and I start to think how amazing he is, then out of the blue he stops contacting me by any means for 3-4 days!!!! as in he wouldnts answer my msgs or calls or what so ever!!! and I totally know nthn about him!! The 1st time he did this he was on vacation and I thought mayb he's busy with his frnds so I didnt keep calling so as not 2 bother him and then later when he called he had a lame excuse that his mobile was out of battery charge!! then the next time he did this I didnt call him at all and thought that maybe he found some1 else or smthin, then again when he called he had another lame excuse that he was busy at work which is lame cos he couldve sms'd me b4 he sleeps or when he wakes up or whatever cos he doesnt work 24 7, he barely goes to work! and he also said that when he doesnt call I should call or send him msgs even if he doesnt reply so he'd feel that am with him!! as u can c he totally turned the table on me!This time, we met last Thursd. and things were more than perfect, then he didnt call till 2day!! it's been 4 days! I called him on thurs when I got home and he said he'd go home too and not go out, so I said sms me when ur home, he sms'd me at 10 30 am the next day! he was out all that long with his frnds! and the next day when I called he said he was out till early morn but not sure when, and said he'd call but never did, later that day I called him at midnight and I found him at a disco! cos I heard all that loud songs!!! he said he'd call when he's home and again never did!So I called again on satr. but he rejected my call :S and never called back I sms'd him he never replied until 2day!!!So I did nthn since, and I don't know what 2 do?!!!! am worried that if I call him he'd turn things on me cos he always has this way of manipulating words...I totally feel that he's not committed to me and is always out there havin fun till early morn. everyday, but then again y was he commited to me in the 1st place if he'd rather hang out and have fun with no real committment! I mean y keep me hanging?! I feel that am the 1 doing all the compromizes and I do things for his sake, when he's doin nthn and is farring away from me and when I talk to him about it, he makes fun and blames things on me and says that when he is far I'd miss him more!! and he says that I just wanna make a fight for no reason!!! he's 24 and I just turned 22 but I think he's sooooo immature!!sry I wrote long but am just so confused, so pls tell me what should I do!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnx a lot gurls 4 ur support...it's a hard decision to break up BUT he made it easy cos he isnt calling anyway! I sms'd him last night as a final hope, & I said that he shouldnt leave me clueless & should say if he wants 2 break up & stuff like that, HOWEVER he didnt care to answer....it's just that I hate to be waiting! & I keep thinkin what if smthn happened to him or smthin, but then again this is what he choose! & again he was the one I chose!
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female
reader, Beckah  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Well i'm sorry that this guy is messing you around like he so obviously is. Something completely and utterly smacks me in the face about what you wrote and how you wrote it, i may be wrong, but i would suggest that he has commitment issues.
Judging from the way you wrote the article i would hazard a guess that he is postive he doesn't want any sort of commitment. My advice would be to do just that...the only question is what do YOU want to do. Are you wanting everything or nothing at all. If you are then the ultimatum should do the trick...a thing i hate but what always seems to make people stop and think. Just suggest that, if he doesn't want to be in a relationship, that you and him never see each other again. This could go either way, him looking for an easy way out of the relationship - in which case would be a treat for him -, or him realising what he would lose. At least you won't be in the dark anymore. From what i've gathered and that's possibly not a lot, it seems to me like this boy doesn't want things to run smoothly because he is scared he will fall too deep. The only way that i would do this is by forcing somebody to face their feelings, and the only way to do that is to threaten to take it away. If it backfires, then you two were never meant to last and it was obvious that he was just controlling you into feeling like you are happy, when your not. If it works well youve managed to save a relationship. Maybe he has had a bad relationship in the past and doesn't want to be hurt? Have you tried talking to him, being honest.
Hope i've helped.
xxx
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A
female
reader, ButterflyonFire +, writes (9 October 2006):
 No prob about the long message. Thanks for giving so much info. I really think that you have solved your own problem.
He sounds immature and uncommitted to you. If he was committed to you he would want to be with you and not out with his friends all the time.
And what it is with guys turning things on us all the time? I was with someone like that. *rolls eyes*
You need to find someone who will spend time with you. Who is mature. Who will actually answer your calls even if he doesn't like talkin on the phone.. Trust me I found someone like that. He's out there right underneath your nose.
There's prolly a good chance you don't have to look that hard either. All the best of luck for you girl. I think you have this taken care of yourself. Your too good for his partying, non committal a... you need yourself a real man. =D
~Jamie
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