A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I used to enjoy sex, but lately I seem to have developed a total aversion to it. I feel uncomfortable and self conscious all the time and I just can't enjoy it. I feel as if he's trying to make me into a porn star the whole time, because of the way he pulls my limbs into 'sexy' positions, and he's always watching me as he touches me, as if he's waiting for me to make all the right noises and writhe, etc, like they do in the videos. But I just can't be that, I don't feel comfortable with it and I guess I feel like more of a sex object to him than his actual flesh and blood girlfriend. I've taken to closing my eyes throughout because every time I open them, he's above me, staring down at me. It sounds horrible, 'I don't enjoy sex because my boyfriend looks at me', but it's not like that, he STARES intently, it really is like I'm a video.I used to enjoy sex with him though, I used to enjoy being touched, but now I just feel nothing (physically). It's more like I'm being poked than pleasured and I just can't get into it.I think there might be an underlying reason for this, which is that we're in a long distance relationship (100 miles apart) and we see each other every weekend. We had a plan for the future, which was that he would look for a job in my city, and we'd move in together. We didn't know when it would happen though, and I wanted something more, like a promise that it really would happen. So I suggested we get engaged. He said yes initially, but kept changing his mind, and finally told me that he does want us to be engaged, but that it's not the right time, and he thinks we should be in the same city before we do it. I felt really stupid, and ever since I've not been able to enjoy sex because I kind of feel like he doesn't really love me, or he's keeping his options open, or he's not committed to me. It angers me that he feels he's too young for something like engagement, but he's totally happy to do other adult things.I just need some advice please, about what I can do and whether I should tell him how I've been feeling, that sort of thing. Thanks
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