A
male
age
51-59,
*amesy4444
writes:I am 37 and have been separated from my ex wife for 2 and half years,i have 4 children who i have joint custody of. In the last two years i have dated many women, most who would have wanted to have a relationship with me but i have never felt i loved them or really close to them. I have dated one particular women who is 5 years older than me on and off for over a year i have feelings for her but its not love. We have great sex but i have never introduced her to my family or children. I have also dated another who lives not far from me a few times and have seen them both at the same time, i know this is wrong and i am messing them about but i keep doing it. She has children similar age to me which does put me off as i dont want to start a childrens home!!!There is one woman who i have chatted to online for nearly 3 years, we have never met but she is very attractive and fits almost everything i want in a woman except she has a boyfriend although from the times we have talked she doesnt love him enough to live with him or get married.I have a good job and have found it hard to rebuild my life after i split from my ex wife. If i met the right woman i would commit to a full time exclusive relationship but i dont seem to meet a woman like that. Many of the women i meet seem needy, or dont trust anyone. I was a good guy once and never cheated in my 14yr marriage but ultimatly i wasnt happy.I seem to attract women but not ones i want to attract. Am i just being to picky or too idealistic, i am a loving and affectionate person.I dont seem to have the feelings of love that i once had and i am very loathe to open myself up properly and so have pushed some women away. I would really like to meet the women who i chat to online but i guess if she felt the same way it would have happened by now, we have joked about it many times. If i did meet her i am also scared i might fall for her and be badly hurt.I need some advice
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, trinitymi  +, writes (16 April 2009):
Heal. You just might need to heal the old wounds, the old pain and the courage it took to rebuild. THEN! get to the bottom of the woman issue-make a list of the traits you want in your partner. If you were in a dyfunctional relationship w/ your wife, that will need to be looked at also. Our lives are so busy finding time to "find ourselves again" and re-examine what do I want now? what am I truly looking for and am I really ready?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Love is an amazing thing but it is so difficult to find and yet so easy to lose.
You are not being too picky. You will know when you meet the 'right' person.
Don't rush things, don't push things. Enjoy being single and if that means having physical relationships with women, then so be it. You can't force yourself to love. I fell in love so deeply and gave my heart to a girl. Its taken me a long while to get over her but I am doing so, slowly and I'm sure I will love again and trust again but I don't want to pressure myself into anything.
This probably isn't much help.
As far as the internet girl is concerned, don't muscle in but if she's interested, she'll come to you.
Hope you manage to sort things. Good luck mate. Relax and be happy.
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