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anonymous
writes: I'll make this as short as I can, because I really need help on this. I'm 20 years old, two years out of high school, and so is my gf. Our school is already having a reunion for all alumni (I know, it's stupid). I have no interest in going, but my gf is really looking forward to it. All gravy then for me to stay home right? The problem comes from her exes, if you could call them that. This was a small school with a close group of students so I'm betting at least one or two of these people will be there. I don't want to be there because I've managed to push aside her past in my mind and I don't want to bring it back up because I struggled with this for so long. I trust her to go alone in that I know she wouldn't try anything with these guys, but one of them was physically and verbally abusive and I don't want her to have to deal with that if he shows. Last I heard, he sells drugs and he deserves no less than castration for all the girls he's hurt and relationships he's ruined. The others are just run of the mill idiots, but I still don't want them thinking they can make a move. Testoterone I guess. So I go and stand up for her and show them she's with me, right? Maybe not. Last issue: she hates being defended by anyone. The strong, stubborn type of lady. The one time I tried to confront a guy who was bothering her we were at odds for a week. If I went and one of these people got out of line with her, I don't think I could stand back and watch. Please give me wisdom. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2005): You sound very jealous. Girls don't admire jealousy when you're jealous of another guy. It looks as if you think he's better than you, or that you think he has a chance. If you're laid back and look like you trust her and like no one could ever take her off you, she will believe that too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2005): Hi there.The best relationships are ones based on trust and friendship.If she has chosen to be with you then you should respect her for that.If you try to defend her then how is she going to learn from her mistakes.She needs you to trust her to make the right decissions in her life.Be there if she needs you but let her be happy to be with you and remember the more protective over her you are the more that can feel like you are trying to smother her and she may grow to resent you for that.I hope this helps a bit .Take care and don`t force her away.Good luck.
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reader, britney +, writes (9 May 2005):
Hi I used to be the same way as your gf not wanting a man to stand up for me, but I can asure you that although she may say she is mad for you helping she will be secretly pleased. I used to have a very low confidence and wanted to sort my problems out for myself, and I feel that your girlfriend may feel that you do not trust her. Advise your girlfriend that you are there for her should she need you but unless she asks for your help let her sort out her own problems. Tell your Gf that she looks lovely when you are going to the reunion and just have a good time.
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