A
female
age
30-35,
*egendiewand
writes:Hey everyone, So, my boyfriend of a year and I broke up (it was one of those that ended with "FINE!" "OKAY FINE!") this past August, and we recently (about a month ago) reconciled somewhat and are trying again and things have been going pretty well. However, not even two weeks after we had broken up, he told me that he had been sleeping with another girl but that he regretted it and wouldn't do it again. I knew it would happen again, as it did, but I couldn't be upset- we weren't together, right? Wrong. I was extremely upset, because obviously two weeks after ending things I wasn't over him by any means. Even now, I'm having some serious issues with it all: I can't sleep in his bed anymore, and I get nervous and anxious when he talks about hanging out with girls (INCLUDING the girl he rebounded on). I want to make it clear that I am not one of those crazy girls who blows up his phone all the time and tells him he can't do what he wants; he's a big boy and I'm not his mother. However, when I express to him the slightest bit of worry or when I am curious about what kind of details he is sharing about our sex life with his guy and girl friends, he blows up and says he doesn't understand why I can't trust him. I KNOW we weren't together when he rebounded, and I want so badly to just forget about it, but I can't help it. It was so soon after and I just don't know what to do. What are some of the ways some of you have gotten over this (I know it happens all the time)? Do I need to just sit down and tell him for the millionth time why I'm upset? Am I wrong for being upset? Anything, and I mean anything, would be greatly appreciated because I am in such a rut and just don't know how to get out of it. Thanks guys
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): You're not wrong for being upset, but you're wrong for taking it out on him. he didn't do it to hurt you, and the fact that you know about it means he was honest about it. You just need to trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Having a rebound chic isnt a reason to not trust him as you weren't together. I can understand how you feel though. But you need to focus on something else. You're with him now, she was obviously just nothing at all because he's with you and that should show you that she didn't mean anything to him. Appreciate that he is being honest with you and that you don't have a reason not to trust him. though i know it might not be that easy. The thing is, not trusting him is something you either can or can not do. There is no inbetween, and if there is an inbetween it always ends up in breaking up anyway and is that what you want? Or do you want to move on?
You could tell him that you don't like the idea that he hangs out with a girl he's slept with, and that it makes you uncomfortable because you know how girls can be. But what he does is up to him and you have to either accept that or move on.
You can bang on forever about why you're upset - but if it didn't get results the first time it's not likely to again. What would you like from him? Sleep in his bed, move past the idea of someone else being in it. Imagine if you had slept with someone else on a rebound, if you were sad and hurting and needed somebody close to you to help you forget the pain - and then you got back with him, how would you expect him to deal with it?
He would have to accept it, and forget about it, and move on.
Learn to trust him. Stop yelling at each other and realise that you either make each other happy, or it isn't going to work out.
I'm sorry i can't be more specific about how to 'get over it' because I'm not sure what choices you have, apart from to try and grow up and move past it and realise that what's done is done, and it's the present and the future that matters for the two of you now.
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Move on. He sounds like he has anger issues. You didn't do yourself a favor by getting back with him. REad, 'why men marry bitches' and "he's just not that into you'. When you're not 100% comfy you know its time to 1. seek counseling together or 2. move on.
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