A
female
age
41-50,
*issromantic
writes:Short version: We were together for a short time but he's made such an impact on me that I can't imagine my life without him. It was passionate, real, so much love. We talked about moving in together, marriage and kids. He is 36 and I'm 33. He broke it off, saying he needs to be alone to figure out why he can't maintain a relationship. This happened a few months ago and we've been staying in touch, going to movies or just hanging out. And up until yesterday, I have been really strong and not giving into him. The sexual tention was just too much. I still hope he will come around and realise that he wants to be with me. Am I doing the right thing by still being in his life? I am so much in love with him I can't even imagine falling for another guy. Am I wasting my time waiting for him to come back to me???Honest answers much appreciated, thank you.
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female
reader, missromantic +, writes (25 January 2009):
missromantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the kind responses - this was my first post and I'm very grateful for all the good advice.Pastfirst - thanks for your understanding. Yes, I am unfortunately madly in love with him still. Part of me says 'screw it' and move on, but another part of me wants to hang on and see what happens.The old man - I so needed to get a male's perspective on this, you said it as it is! It was hard to read it, but at the same time, you are right. Huneygyrl - as much as I don't want to wait for him, I am finding it really hard to look for romance with someone else. I don't want to waste my time, but it frustrates me at the same time that I don't want to (?) yet.Again, thanks guys for your lovely advice. I hope I will be able to offer some to you when needed. Just cos my love life sux at the moment, doesn't mean I can't be helpful for others! :) xoxo
A
female
reader, pastfirst  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 I've been reading the answers here and they all offer good advice, but I know how difficult it must be for you as you really seem to love this guy.
My advice would be to keep on seeing him but don't let on how you feel about him.
Date other guys and let him know that you're going out and having a good time when he's not around.
He may come around to realising that he really wants you.
If he doesn't, there's not much you can do except to move on.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 I have been in a similiar situation as this and made a terrible fool of myself. I just would not let go. I would turn up at his house knowing another women was there. It is impossible to remain friends. the pain will just continue. If he wants to be with you he needs to make him mind up know. why did he get involved with you in the first place. Why did it take so long for him to make up his mind.Maybe you need to go away somewhere spend sometime together. Do some serious talking. Maybe a chance of environment maydo you both good.Dont be like me and waste years and years in deadend relationships. I am 45 and still hoping to marry. If I was stronger years ago I would not be feeling so miserable nad lonely now.I know its hard but give it ago.All the best and let us know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, missromantic +, writes (25 January 2009):
missromantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer lovesalias. My problem is that I follow my heart way too much and when he broke it off with, he broke my heart like no one else ever before. I'm not the same person since.
But yes, I agree with you, I wouldn't want to sit in my rocking chair at the age of 75 and regretting not doing everything in my power to see where all this leads.
Thank you again,
xoxo
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Him saying that he's not able to maintain a relationship is his way of saying that he doesn't have the nads to tell you that he still wants to be free to date others, but have you as a back up unit.
You want to get his attention? Stop calling him, miss a few of his calls, turn him down when he asks you out. Make him think you've found someone else.
He knows you're in love with him,and he's playing you like a cat on a string!
He wants his space? Give him all kinds of it, lots and lots!
I've been on both sides of that issue. When I couldn't commit, it was because I had something else cooking. When they couldn't commit, they had something else cooking.
I couldn't imagine being with someone else either. But once you've had enough of being beat up emotionally, crying alone at night and being made a fool of,
your imagination becomes endless!
There are millions of men out here who are wanting someone to spend time with. They are more than eager to give a woman the love attention and respect that she deserves!
Joe.
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A
female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (25 January 2009):
 I am in a similar situation such as yourself and all I can say is what I am being told which is follow your heart and even if it breaks at least you'll know for sure and you wont be stuck with the should've could've would'ves of life. Good luck! I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (25 January 2009):
 You can't just put all your eggs in one basket, honey. When people do so, that egg maybe a bad one.
Hang out with friends. Find a hobby that will keep you occupied without thinking about him. Try dating other men. Your world doesn't revolve around him. Talk to him when he calls, when you see him...yes, keep in touch but honey, don't wait on him. If and when he decides to settle down, you may be with someone else.
Let him figure out why he can't maintain a relationship. Just know, it's not you.
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