A
female
age
36-40,
*lovehimalways
writes:Ok, i just need a pick me up to cheer me up . . . Simplest way to put it is, i have been in a relationship for 6 years. I have fallen out of love with my boyfriend but i dont want to tell or hurt him. I am madly in love with someone else. He is from Canada and i am from the UK. We have met once, speak on the phone and make video calls every single day. But today he told me its not going to work between us. I am devastated. I know what people may say, i am the bad one for not telling my boyfriend all this, but i just dont know what to do. . . I guess i deserve all the bad things that will come my way. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (19 June 2010):
 I think the fear you feel when you think of a future without him is a more a fear of the unknown than a fear of losing him. It is a big step to take, letting go of someone; things will feel unfamiliar and your future will seem uncertain, which is scary, but it sounds like you know it is the right thing to do.
As for how to let him down gently, I have never broken up with anyone so I'm not sure I'm the best advisor on that front! I think I would want someone to be honest with me about the reasons for a breakup though, otherwise I'd be forever trying to figure out what I did wrong. Just a thought! I hope you figure it all out.
A
female
reader, ilovehimalways +, writes (19 June 2010):
ilovehimalways is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for the answers i have recieved. Now i have spoken about my feelings it has kind of made me see sense and made me realise what i am doing is not good for either of us.
How can i let my bf down without hurting him too much? I do love him, but not in love with him, so it is gonna hurt me to lose him too. I don't want to be with him now, but then thinking of being without him is killing me even though i cant see a future together. Why am i feeling like this?
This sounds as though it is all about me now, but it's not. I just would like ideas on the best way to end all this. Thank you all again for the answers
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (19 June 2010):
If you chose to forgive him and try to restart your relationship, you can't blame him for what you did with the Canadian.
I agree with you, we cant choose who we fall in love with, but when you get into a relationship you are committing to one person. That means either acting with integrity and ignoring the feelings you have for others, or choosing to end the relationship, and THEN pursuing others.
Whats done is done, you can't change it, and you need to focus on what to do next. Again I would urge you to leave your boyfriend if you are not in love with him, otherwise this situation will just keep repeating itself!
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A
female
reader, ilovehimalways +, writes (18 June 2010):
ilovehimalways is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just posted a question about not being in love with my boyfriend no more, and the fact i love someone else.
I fell out of love with him almost a year and a half ago. I found out he was having online encounters with other women, and caught him on webcam doing 'things' with these other women.
I walked out and left him, but thought i was the one being silly and moved back in with him. Things have not been right since with us even though i know he is trying his best to make things 'normal'.
But since i met my Canadian lover, does it make me just as bad as my current boyfriend?
I am not entirely blaming him (the bf) for my actions, but also do you think deep down he has pushed me to do what i am doing~? They say, you can't help who you fall in love with . . . I totally agree
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (18 June 2010):
Ok, the first thing I think you need to do is gently break it off with your boyfriend... I know you dont want to hurt him, but in the long run you are hurting him more by staying with him when you don't love him, let him go and find love with someone else.
As for your Canadian man, I am not going to condone what you are doing with him because as far as I'm concerned its an emotional affair. However it sounds like you are genuinely sorry for what you are doing to your boyfriend (prove this through your actions by letting him go!), and I can understand why you feel devastated.
Honestly I think the best thing you could do for yourself is leave them both for a little while. Get comfortable being on your own, before you start looking for another man - from what i've seen, hopping from relationship to relationship without any reflection periods inbetween does not make for a stable, happy person!
Good luck.
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