A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 18 months is not affectionate, except during sex, and even then it's not the type of affection that I need. We bought a house together, and I'm living full time with his two kids and my two kids, while he works in another city most of the week. I know he isn't cheating on me because I've done my homework, however, he is resentful because he has to work so much to make ends meet. I'm a professional woman, who has made a career change, and also a lifestyle change.. taking on his two (needy and exhausting)boys. I try and initiate hugs and kisses, and sweet conversation, and most of the time I am rejected.I don't know what else to do to salvage our relationship, but he isn't responding to my requests for affection. I suppose I should just start searching for a way to separate (which would be financially devastating) and very difficult for his two kids, who would be forced to move back to their old city.Has anyone ever dealt with this before? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (24 February 2008):
 He is resentful because he has to work to make ends meet? Wow..welcome to the real world! I hope he is not resentful at you because you have turned your life around and took on his kids!!!As for the affection, was he affectionate at first and all the sudden changed? If not, what exactly did you expect? Did you think he would change from your sacrifices? If this is the situation, it was very unfair of you to do this to you, him and especially the children involved.Hopefully that isn't the case because that is so selfish.If he has changed, then you need to talk to him about this. Has this happened in his prior relationships? Is there something going on here that is can be fixed? I hope your decision to move in with him wasn't hasty and I really hope you are not being hasty by just planning to leave without figuring out why. As a mother, how you make your decisions and the types of relationships you have are influencing how your children view relationships. If his children already have issues with closeness and affection, you entering their lives and then being wrenched out of their lives will make it worse.You are willing to do this because you don't like the way he expresses affection?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): What attracted you to him in the first place? You must of known he wasnt the affectionate type before you moved in. Have you talked to him and asked him why he is that way? Maybe you should. Do you work? You say you are a career woman, have you given up on it? Maybe you feel aggrieved that you have given up on your career while he is the sole breadwinner. Why do you have to have his kids? Where are their mum? Life is always different when you move in, I know i moved in with my bloke, I brought my son along and his son lives with us. It is so hard making everything work, but you have to work hard at it every day. I think you need to talk to him and point out where you are not happy and why, but dont just up and off, he need a chance to help to put things right.
As for the kids, well, it is not you total responsiblity to worry about his kids. You have kids of your own to think about.
Talk to him.
take care.
xx
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