A
female
age
26-29,
argyle
writes:I'd like some tips for persuading my partner to do more housework. I work full time and he is at home with our son. The only chore he has agreed to do apart from childcare while I'm out is washing. But in practice he doesnt do it and we have mountains of washing, and nothing to wear! I do all the rest of the cooking and cleaning and most of the childcare, which is possible because I work from home a lot. The trouble is, I've tried a few approaches - no luck. I've asked for help. Tried to get us up doing housework together. Tried leaving it, till he takes over. He doesnt... But he reacts with anger and shouts at any attempt to get him doing chores. If I don't do them he gets angry and shouts at me because the place is a mess. I just can't seem to stand up to the shouting for long enough and eventually cave in every time.I need to find a constructive way to do something, because I am becoming more and more resentful. And that's not healthy. I need constructive tips. He's not an idiot, he's not a bastard. he's a bit lazy. he's perhaps got a warped idea of what his day should be like, he might be a bit defensive and he definitely shouts too much. But his heart's in the right place. But how do I reach it ;-)? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Treat him nice and treat him good and he would respond back in kind.
Walk that extra mile for him and he will not forget your good deeds.
Humans respond better through kindness and good deeds.
Praise him , praise him and don't criticize or complain if he does not come up to your standards.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Do you want to live with a child? Thats what it seems like. My dad and grandad both hep with housework, I cannot understand men that do not help. Its all too do with respect.
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (17 March 2008):
 1) Don't nag
2) Calmly discuss what you each don't mind doing and what you each hate ... take it from there
3) Accept that his standards and priorities are different than yours (this will help to not nag)
4) Let's say you don't mind doing the dishes but you hate vacuuming. Just do the dishes because it is important to you and you do not mind. Do not resent that he's not doing them because, after all, you do not mind and they need to be done. If he said that he'll do the vacuuming (see #2), then DO NOT VACUUM. Yes, you will have to lower your standards. Yes, it will drive you crazy for awhile.
Last year, I quit. I still do the things that, in my book, must be done. I clean the bathrooms and kitchen, do laundry and dishes. I do not do my sons' laundry (they're college students) unless they bring it to the laundry room and sort it properly, but I do husband's and mine. I very rarely dust or vacuum anymore. Guess what? After a couple of months (yes, months), my husband started doing it. Perhaps you cannot lower your standards. I understand. After all, when I quit, we had been married for 23 years. So, it took me time to lower my standards, too. But I was very resentful.
I don't nag. I am not a nag because my step mom was SUCH a nag, that I made a mental note to never be one. I do not make lists of things for my husband to do. Occasionally, he will ask me for a project, and I always have ideas, but unless he asks, I say nothing.
No, you cannot eat off my floor but, that's okay because we use dishes.
I do spring cleaning. I do top to bottom cleaning before entertaining. My house is not a sty. But, more importantly, I like me because I never became one of those women that men like to bitch about.
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