A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How soon into a relationship is it acceptable to have sex? I dont believe in sleeping with someone on a first date, but recently I have been made to feel like I am some sort of freak for not putting out within what is considered to be an "acceptable" amount of time and that its somehow wrong to value sex for the emotional connection as much as the physical one. Would you respect a woman who slept with you on a first date? Could you consider having a serious relationship with her?Do men only see sex as a physical act? Is it ever more than than this, and done on a deeper more emotional level?On the other side, would you be put off by a woman if she didnt sleep with you quickly? How long would you be willing to wait before you gave up and moved on?I would like to have some male opinions on this, as I think women have very different ideals to men on this. Thank you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): sorry i am not a man but have some ideas (even though it may be "girls" ideas. i know a lot of men in my work environment and we sometimes talk a lot of crap and we always end up talking about sex.)
my view:
you should NEVER feel pressurised by anyone (or society) to have sex sooner, especially if you are not ready for it. if you have a good value system you should not feel guilty for having values and you should feel proud of yourself. just because "EVERYONE IS DOING IT" doesn't make it alright.
men that i work with- their views:
women that have sex on the first date, or just have sex with "anyone" (even though they are not on a date) is considered cheap and easy and not worthy. there is then a perception that she does this sex thing all the time. men do not want (their special)women who just give it away to everyone and anyone. they want women to be perceived as selective. oh, and if they get "lucky" you can be sure all their firnds will know about it. they do brag.
so depends on the quality of man, his expectations, and whether he will call you again after your quick sexual encounter.
sometimes we men and women are not too different. we have specific criteria, have the same expectations but it all boils down to our value system. OH, and we talk about others the same as well. but with women it's called gossiping, with men it's just called spreading rumours.dpn't really know which one is worse.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): When I was younger and doing various things with girls - not ever full sex though. I would feel stupidly guilty because I felt wrong doing it, as it was too soon, but in the moment etc...
My girlfriend and I have been together for 19months (Im 18) and we had sex after nearly a year, our relationship is amazing and will be for quite sometime.
I would be put off girls putting out too soon. 100%
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A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (1 June 2009):
To me, there has to be a mental connection. Physical attraction is already there because this attracted me to her that I engaged in conversation with her, and asked for a date or to meet up. Once I feel it is there, that we will be long term, such as getting married, I may then pursue the step of having sex. This has never been less then 5 dates, and the time span is not less then 1 month. During this time, I may find that I am ready but she is not. This is okay with me and I will wait. If she just isn't getting the connection after 2 months, then I will assume her and I won't work and I will move on, and state so to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Well, some People, including myself, live by a set of standards which others may judge as being idealistic( but really it's just what makes sense to us), but my advice to you is to simply try to be patient, though it can be difficult, and find a guy that has the same values as you do, they do exist. Who ever made you feel that way has their own issues that they haven't dealt with. Don't lower your standards for anyone. Have a nice day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): I guess it depends on what type of man u meet. For me it was the type of girl I met, some needed a lot of time to get to know me and as such, took a lot longer. But there are girls that jumped on me on the 1st day but I've had very long meaningful relationships with those as well.
Well in a long relationship I do expect sex at some point. I'm horny and I have needs...I'm not gonna wait forever just for sex, just because she doesn't trust me or isn't ready or she just "doesn't know". I never rly had this problem but I guess if too much time pass and she didn't have sex with me I'd guess somethng is wrong with me or she doesn't trust me so, no point in staying. I mean yes, the physical and emotional connection is what I want so its like progressing with the one I am with. Why would I not want that?
So for me the goal was not sex but the relationship. But I'm a nice guy so I wont speak for every guy out there. I think most male answers have u will see here will have a certain level of maturity about them anyway and may have similar answers to mine.
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