A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is considered the "norm" for how much a couple should speak throughout the day? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I don't think that it has to do with how much the couple talks it's how deep the conversations are. I have friends who are a couple and text all day but it's just random stuff so I wouldn't consider that as much comunication as say an hour a day a face time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Don't try to go for the norm because relationships on average especially with marriages end up as failures. So the norm is not what you want because its the average. Instead how about "whats the norm for how much a successful couple speaks throughout the day". I agree that is important not to be clingy because that can push people away. So I guess you should speak whenever you see each other unless your partner is busy or doesnt seem to be in the mood for talking. If you're referring to to texting and phoning then try not to text or call seeming as that can get annoying.(for me personally because I hate texting)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): there shouldn't be a pressure to feel you aren't communicating enough and need to more.
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (1 December 2010):
Well its important that you both live your own lives without an urge of dependency on the other. This way you don't risk appearing too "clingy" and you're also not neglecting your other friends (if the relationship goes south, you don't want to be left with no one because you had abandoned all others)
However, there is a certain standard that should be met and it certainly depends on what the conversations are like. If you're texting/calling to talk about your day or about something funny that happened, that is perfectly fine! But if you find yourself texting the other person just to tell them you miss them or love them several times a day, well then you may be clinging a bit much.
Its important that they know you care, but the more you mention it, the less special it becomes. Finding a good medium is hard for most couples, since two people often want/need two separate amounts of attention, but if you're having trouble or feel its becoming a problem I suggest talking to the other person and finding out what they want. Together you can find a compromise of how much time to spend with each other as well as how much effort you should put into contacting each other during the day.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 It varies on the individuals in the couple.
Too much contact and some people might back off, give short responses in text or on the phone- that's a good hint that they probably need space.
Too little contact and some people can feel neglected, unloved etc. and can start questioning/over-thinking their partners commitment to them.
In my opinion, a couple should figure out pretty early on what their "norm" is, then if there is a big difference to try to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle.
So for example, Jill likes her space and only likes to talk on the phone to her LDR boyfriend Jack once every 3 days... Whilst Jack likes to contact his girlfriend every day. So if they can't agree to try to contact each other once every 2 days, then this could potentially cause problems down the track.
Its a cruel irony that the most common reaction to wanting more contact from a partner is to contact them more and more frequently... If that partner wants more space, then they'll try to convey back to them that they're being clingy by being more and more distant, short, delayed or non-responsive. Its kinda a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Makes sense just to talk to a new partner about how much space you both need from the beginning and avoid the whole "hinting" BS altogether.
Bit of a rant... meh.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 December 2010):
 There is no such thing as a norm. You should decide how much you want to communicate and relay that information to him. Then you should compromise and find what will work for both of you.
Some couples will be in contact multiple times a day. Some once a day. Some once every few days. Some once a week. All relationships are different.
...............................
|
