A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A couple of years ago I met the man of my dreams. Things didn't pan out for us last year as there were a lot of personal things I needed to take care of that were stunting the growth of our relationship, not to mention long distance.After "remaining friends" for a while and some time apart (I've since moved to the town he lives in), we have recently been connecting more: talking on the phone, spending time alone with one another, etc. I made it a point, though, to be straightforward with him about my feelings--that I completely adore him and would like to take the time to get to know him and learn whether or not he is in fact still it for me. He took the news well, and we still have plans to hang this week, herein lies my dilemna...How do I go about this right? I hardly know what to do with myself now that I finally have the golden opportunity to be with this man. I mean I don't want to press too hard, yet I don't want to seem passive or impartial about spending time with him, because he is important to me. We are both pretty busy, still in college and working...but I want this to work and hopefully one day marry the man; I just want to ensure that I am doing absolutely what I should be here. I'm seeking advise from someone in specific who has managed to do this successfully.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thanks for such a detailed responce! Yes, I am trying to remain patient, as it couldn't be more true that balancing anything else alongside college life is a difficult task to juggle. I try to remind myself not to overanalyze the situation or think too deeply/often about it by staying focused on my solo goals and reading books on minimalist philosophy, like the Tao Te Ching. It's great to know I'm not alone, and thanks for the support. :)
A
female
reader, ladybugb +, writes (30 July 2008):
Hi dear, I'm 22 and in the same position as you are so rest assured, you are not alone. My situation is different however in that, our problems outside of our relationship have come out during our relationship. I give you credit, it takes a great deal of maturity to work your problems out before entering into that relationship. It's easy in our age group to get caught up in all the hype of who they're talking to, what they're doing, etc and I commend you on the efforts you have seen to take and to not totally buy into the paranoia that too often we do, especially as females. In regards to your questions, it is ok to know that he is or could potentially be the one, I advise however at this tage to AVOID making that extremely known at first because young men can tend to feel suffocated even if that is a large compliment to him that you feel so highly for him. The best advice I can give is to not over analyze, not to try to find the exact 'perfect' route that will lead you to the outcome you ultimately seek to find. Take it step by step, day by day, don't forget to breathe. I know that I ultimately want to end up with my boyfriend, we've talked about it and in a relationship it's not uncommon to talk about it. Don't forget college is hard, relationships in college are hard and take time. The best thing you can do is be patient with yourself and with him. Yes you probably have millions of things you want to say to show him just how you feel. Try writing to him in a notebook, don't tell him about it, continue talking to him and seeing where things go. Save the notebook, it will serve as therapy when your mind is racked with things to say, it will also give you a chance to write to him, you inner feelings, what you are really thinking and feeling and if you want to and things go in the right direction towards what you ultimately want, share the notebook with him, tell him these were all things you wanted to share and tell him but you were scared that it might potentially be too much too soon. I hope this helped!
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