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How do I get over being betrayed by someone I loved?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 April 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I recently ended things with my boyfriend of a year because they weren't going anywhere. I am not sad because of the 'split' as such; i think everyone appreciates when a relationship is falling apart and I know i did the right thing to get out of it. He made me feel emotionally neglected and bad about myself and in the end, we were arguing constantly (every few days) to no resolve. We weren't having sex and absolutely everything else seemed more important to him than our relationship.

I really loved and cared for him at one point, and I thought he did too. However, i don't believe this is the case anymore. Towards the end (for reasons i wont go into) it was becoming clearer and clearer that he used me (for company mostly) and didnt care about me at all. I find this thought soul destroying. I feel cheap and used and my self esteem is zero.

I know i will feel better in time, but I am struggling to get over the feeling of being betrayed by someone i thought loved me. It never mattered how many times i tried to explain my feelings and work through our issues, he wouldn't listen. He was full of undelivered promises and it broke my heart to walk away even though i knew it was for the best. What should i do to ease the pain of feeling used?

View related questions: cheap, self esteem

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I tried so hard: I tried putting myself in his position. When that didn't work I tried every form of communication possible. When I had no success with that, I tried a more active approach i.e. trying to make things happen anyway; initiating dates (we spent a year together and he only took me out at night once - the rest of the time he just wanted to stay in), initiating evenings together, showering him with love and affection in the hope he would return it: nothing worked. That is why I know I put in my all and that there was no more - literally - I could do.

I know I am not blameless; it must have been difficult having to go through periods of arguing, but it wasnt nice for me either. I just wanted to 'shake' some love out of him. I didn't live a very great life when it came to people before I met my boyfriend and I was open with him and told him that I was wary of trusting again. He told me he wouldnt hurt me - and I know that in life, and relationships in particular, that is not a realistic promise to make. I just didnt expect him to hurt me what seems so knowingly. This is what is killing me; I trusted him to take care of my heart and he tossed it about like a ball, never being straight with me and I believe cheating on me too in the end. As I said, I am glad I finally found the strength to walk away - it wasnt a healthy relationship and I would never, under any circumstances, want to go back to him.

Not long into our relationship he told me he still couldn't get over his ex and I should have walked away then. Instead, my self esteem was reduced by the day and I worried there would be no one better out there for me. Maybe that is still true, maybe it is not. I'm really sorry for anyone who feels like I am feeling, or had felt -it's a nasty thing. Good luck to everyone :)

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (3 April 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntYou will live to fight another day.Each experience will make you stronger.

You will have to think positive always . A lot of the pains come from negative perceptions.

Having positive thoughts will help you see things from a different angle.

You can follow the 7 steps in the link below or you can Google for more results (key words: How to get over the breakup?)


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A female reader, confoozled Canada +, writes (3 April 2010):

:-/ I really don't know. I'm sorry, it doesn't help but I would like to know the same thing...I I'm in a very similar situation and I would like to know what to do too..Just know you will find someone who you will be able to trust completely.

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