A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Quick question.My husbands colleague who I has become one of his closest friends moved away to a city 3 hours away by car, 9 years ago, with his wife. They still keep in touch and we still see them once/twice a year.What I have an issue with is that since they moved away we’ve driven up there 7 times to see them and they have only been back to us three times!I asked my husband why it’s always us having to do the driving- they both have cars and obviously drive. My husband says he didn’t know.We are due to see them in a few weeks time- they are expecting us to drive to them but I told my husband to get them to come to us instead, seeing as we’ve been to them on the past few occasions! We both own houses that the other can’t stay or and we both have hotels nearby that we can opt to stay in. We have done both as have they.Both cities we live in have plenty to do so it’s not as though once city is better than the other. Neither of us have children to worry about traveling with or pets to think about. Financially they are better off than us. Health wise they are fine- nothing preventing them from driving.I personally think it’s them being lazy. How do I convince my husband to get them to come to us? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2023): The way you conviced us!
Just give him the facts and then ask him what he thinks about them.
Sometimes an unhealthy dynamics sets in ina relationship and then it is difficult, but not impossible, to change.
In order to change it, you need to do something about it!
If your husband feels somehow inferior to them, he needs to explain this to you so that you can find a solution.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2023): I agree with you. This would make me angry too. It's not just about time and being lazy, it is taking you for granted, it can also be because of the expense of petrol etc, even people with money can be tight. Your husband may not want to say anything because he is worried about upsetting things, losing the meets if he annoys them. He would rather run around after them and do it their way than lose the meets. I would say if they are this mean and selfish they are not worth the bother and expense.
You take over arranging the next meet. You say that it would be great if they came to visit etc, you don't go on about how it's their turn - they know all that already. Husband will be sheepish because he is scared to lose out on these meets if he is firm about it.
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