A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years. My ex girlfriend left me. For more than 2 years I've had a very good relationship with my girlfriend, however sometimes I feel I am overprotective, or ask too many questions.We have talked about this together. We both agree that I should not worry so much, and that I think too much, but she also understands that I will have some insecurities because of my ex.Also, I live in another country. Because I don't speak the language, its difficult to have too many friends here. The people who speak good English are mostly girls..and it wouldn't be so suitable to have only female friends. So I think I am also a little bored, and this is one reason I am overprotective or controlling.How can I stop being over protective? and for my gf, what should she think is reasonable and not reasonable, when it come to questions from me?For example if she went out for a night with colleagues to a bar, what is reasonable for me to ask, and what's not reasonable? Or if I shouldn't ask anything, what should my gf say to make me not worry, and not ask so many questions?In fact, since we both already know and have talked about these things, its not such a big problem. But we don't want to let it become a problem. However we need to decide what is reasonable and what's not.Please let me have your opinions.Another point that we both acknowledge, is if I was totally the opposite and not ask any questions at all...then she could feel that I don't care about her! So how to get the balance right?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): The questions that are okay to ask are ones that you'd ask your mom after she went to a family gathering like wedding or something. Seriously. You can't ask her the same questions as a normal friend, because you'd probably ask a normal friend did they score, where there many hot guys/girls there, kind of thing.
So if you want to ask your girlfriend how she got on at a party for instance, think of it as a conversation with your mom who was just at a family do. Basically you know your girlfriend isn't going anywhere to pull, or score so those kind of questions are irrelevant. It doesn't matter how long a guy talked to her, it doesn't matter who she talked to or what they talked about. Basically all you care about is the same things you'd care about in the above mentioned chat with your mom. Anyone I know there? How is that person doing? Is he/she still working, still with so and so? Did s/he sort out that thing? Any fun stories, drama, exciting events happen? Did you enjoy your night? Hows the head today?
If you wouldn't ask your mom it, then don't ask your girlfriend it. Simple rule, easy to follow and it works well. If you're going to try this then please don't tell your girlfriend you're going to talk to her like your mom haha don't ever compare a girlfriend to your mother. Just say you're my girl, you're pretty much like family to me so that's the way I'm treat our conversations.
Because when you think about it, when you're girl goes anywhere or does anything, because she loves you and you trust her, there's about as much a chance of her doing anything as your mom at a family gathering.
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