A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:13 years ago I met a lad, we dated for 5 years and were really happy. However we then ended bitterly and we didnt speak for 7 years. During that I time I met another man and went on to have a 7 1/2 years relationship and 3 children and went on to find out a year into my new relationship, that my ex had announced he was gay. About 2 years ago though, we came back into contact with each and became great friends almost straight away. Ever since we spend loads of time together, go for days and nights out, etc. Ive always cared for him and loved him but adapted to him being gay however 4 weeks ago, my partner left me with my 3 children. My ex has been there for me throughout and has been of great support. But now my feelsings for him have started to surface again and Im finding it hard to not let them show. Everytime I look at him, I find hes already looking at me and hes even become more touchy feely. I dont know whether this my imagination portraying what I would wish to happen or whether it really is. I know I dont want to lose him from my life but at the same time how I stop these feelings so they don't ruin our friendship. If anyones got any views or advise, Id really appreciate it. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I am sorry about your loss, that is devestating to you I am sure. Because you are feeling so vulnerable right now, I think you are seeing things a little intensely. Intense feelings should not be confused with the reality of the situation. Your ex is gay. He obviously is attracted to you, it is not uncommon for that to happen, but he would not be available to you in a romantic sense. He may feel a great deal of empathy towards you right now, and that is why he is so touchy feely, but I wouldn't read anything into it, it just doesn't seem likely that he would suddenly decide he wants a relationship with you, at least I don't think so.
As far as controlling your feelings, I don't think you can actually stop from feeling a certain way, but my advice to you would be for you to sit with your feelings, let them run their course and you will feel differently in a few days and a few months from now. Feelings are what they are, the only thing you can control is how you act on them. In this case I would let your friend now how much you appreciate his support and tell him that you are pretty vulnerable right now, so you may do or say something you don't actually mean....
Take care of you.
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