A
female
age
36-40,
*talosstoday
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago and I'm still not sure i understand why. So he told me first that we don't have a future together because "he is a big pussy and doesnt think he could tell his parents about me." Now, we come from very different cultural and religious backgrounds. However, it hasnt really affected OUR relationship thus far, other than the fact that his parents wouldn't entirely approve. Now, i dont believe this was the core reason for the break up because that had always been an issue and his parents arent even in the country anymore. In fact, they left a couple weeks before the break up. I was his first girlfriend and he was the first to profess his love for me. We intially met in college and it was easy for us to see each other on a daily basis. We basically spent insane amounts of time together.. and he sort of got caught up in the whirlwind, learning what it was like to be in love and have a gf. He would jokingly ask how i came into his life..and being greatful that i had. However when school was over for the semester, he had to lie to be able to get away and see me because he isnt even allowed to date. Then I discovered he was talking to one of his girl friends and had been lying to me about it. He said he lied to protect my feelings but that nothing was going on with her. Anyways he lied once more about it, and i was so furious that i broke up with him.. thinking there was a reason he had to lie. He was heart broken and actually angry at me for doing so, despite the lie, because his life was essentially turned upside down and it made him question how i felt about him. He wanted to know it was so easy for me to break up with him if i loved him like he loved me. Now, i am entirely sure that nothing is going on with her and now dont know why he broke up with me. The day he broke up with me, he kept asking himself why he was breaking up with me.. and he literally broke down, and was sobbing uncontrollably. He mentioned that "time will tell... "and maybe things will be different when school begins again for fall semester. Recently he made the same statement that "time will tell," but wouldnt explain the meaning. Now im starting to believe that he is testing our love for one another. Maybe he doubts my love for him.. maybe hes not sure if he is in love... maybe the whole point is to discover if our love is strong enough.. and our relationship is worth the obstacles we face. I guess im convinced this is the case... by looking at the past.I know for sure that a part of him really did not want to break up with me bc of the crying.. the sincerity in his voice, and the fact we spent all day together the day of the break up, comforting one another. it was almost as if he was forcing himself to do it. I dont feel like he is manipulative and that hes keepng me around, just in case he doesnt find someone else. I believe he is sincerely confused and torn. I do not want to give up on him because i love him. I also know that he's emotionally immature and inexperienced, likely has insecurity issues regarding his ability to be a good boyfriend, and is doing somethng quite selfish and hurtful to me...Essentially if he is testing me.. he cant tell me that he is testing me bc that would defeat the purpose. SO.. What should i think.. what should i do in the next weeks before school.. and how should i approach him when school begins?
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female
reader, Jewlz  +, writes (4 August 2009):
Well, I think you should give him the space he needs to sort out whatever is going on in his head. He sounds confused. I would avoid contact until school starts, and then when you see him at school, just act like a friend. Ask him how he is, tell him you have been worried about him and that you do care about him and you hope you can still be friends. If he really wants to be with you, then things will go back that way over time, and if not, at least you can move on and be friends with each other at school. Best of luck!
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