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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: This question is maybe strange, but please try to understand me, because it is something that realllllly bothers me!Me (27) and my boyfriend (26) are dating for over 4 years now. I knew he would be the one from the beginning, but it took him until last week to decide whether or not I am the right person for him - but no, it was not an engagement. He didn't ask me, if I would like to marry him and also there is no need to ask, because he knows I want to. So actually it was him saying to me yes now...But I really would like him to ask me - but my question now is: why should he ask me, if he already knows? And if he would ask me, could I still be happy about it, because it was actually me, already asking him?I am crying, because I am expecting that he would propose to me, but it will not be a surprise to me anymore, because he already knows I want to get married and also, because the only reason he will be asking is, because I told him, I want to be asked... So I can not look forward to it anymore... I feel so unworthy...Why should he propose to me?And how can I get over this feelings?How will it happen that it will still be a surprise to me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): You make no sense honeypie, I'm confused about who did what. Forget about the romantic crap, where the guy goes down on bended knee, spends all his money on a ring he can't afford, and declares his undying love... It's all nice, but it's from the movies.
You've been together for 4years, do you love him, do you want to spend your life with him? He's been with you for a long time. Does he love you, dose he treat you good, is he faithful, will he be a good husband, do you both want to have kids. These are the important things.
"So I can not look forward to it anymore... I feel so unworthy..." You sound so romantic, you want the Hollywood movie story, and your not happy with the reality that two people who have been together a long time, think, right, might as well do the marriage thing.
You present as aged 26-29 (overage) location of residence unknown. Your upset cause your guy has decided to marry you after all these years, even though you've been hinting at it for a long time. If this is enough to upset you and make you cry, then I don't think you are really ready yet for marriage. Marriage is hard, and you will find that many things that you expected it to bring, are only found in the movies. If you want the proper engagement thing, then tell him, write down how it's supposed to go, get him a romantic movie with an engagement scene, ask him to ask around and do it properly. Life and relationships are hard, and normally the reality of life ain't like the movies. If you can't accept reality, then you are nowhere ready enough to go through the stress of arranging your perfect wedding, and all the stress it brings.
If you love him marry him, but realise, that happy ever after takes place in the movies, where the girl remains a virgin until she is wed and is always swept of her feet within a couple of weeks, and rides of with the hero in the sun... Pure utter nonsense...
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