A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I live with a man who I love to bits, but sometimes he can be the most difficult person in the world.He's never violent and doesn't generally shout, but will "sulk" (talk in a monotone, refuse to kiss me, etc.) when I don't do something he wants. Sometimes for days.He's a very adept arguer, and everything is always my fault. I have given up asking him about things that bother me (like the fact that he is constantly on his iPhone), because I know I will never get anywhere. It will be my fault for being in a bad mood, for not accepting him as he is, etc. However, he constantly criticises me, that I'm not clean enough, that I'm too argumentative, that I'm moody etc.However, at the same time he's always there for me if something is wrong, he always tells me I'm beautiful, he always tells me he loves me, and a mutual friend says he is "a good man". Our sex life is a constant source of frustration (everything for him, and he has a higher libido than me), but I'm very attracted to him and for the first time in my life have remained so for more than about 6 months.Clearly, he won't go to counselling (why would he, when nothing is his fault?). Talking to him gets me nowhere. Relevant info is that we are from different cultures (he is from a fairly sexist culture), although I sometimes feel he uses this as an excuse to behave unnacceptably and it irritates me that he constantly compares me to the women of his culture. His mother, who is very nice, agrees that he can be headstrong.What do I do? I feel like I can't stand the pain that this relationship causes me, but I can't stand to see someone I love so much leave. I desperately wish he would adapt to me as I try to adapt to him.I've gone on for far too long. Thanks for your response.
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libido, sex life, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (29 July 2012):
There are a few issues here:
1) you guys are not accepting each other for who you are
2) he will 'punish' you when you don't do something he wants
3) he doesn't care about your sexual desires
I'd say each point is worse than the other. The first issue you both could accept but 2 and 3 are sort of a deal breaker.
Can you speak freely with his mother about these issues? Maybe he 'll listen to her?
You probably have to warn him that this can't go on like this.
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