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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Here is my issue and I'd love some feedback on it. I've been with my current boyfriend almost 7 yrs now, living together for 6 and engaged for 5yrs. My problem is that he will not introduce me to his parents. This is driving me nuts because we have been together so long and the kicker is they live less than 1/4 mile from my house! Everytime I try to talk to him about setting a date to get married or anything like that he mumbles and quickly changes the subject. Granted, I do have 4 children from a previous marriage but I am highly educated, own my business and financially secure. My ex-husband went AWOL to prevent me from collecting child-support over 8 yrs ago so I have been the sole provide for my children. What I don't get is that he acts like my husband and also like the father of my children. At this point, he has actually been a father to my kids longer then their bio father was. I just don't understand why he won't introduce me to his parents and why, after 7 years, he can't even bring himself to discuss marriage nevermind actually go through with it. I have to admit, I'm at my wits end and this whole thing is starting to depress me. I don't want to be in a relationship like this, I want to be married. I also should add that he is 1/2 Armenian (I'm 100% English by blood). I could understand if he was full-blooded and his family disapproved of marriage with someone of a different race but this isn't the case because his mother is NOT Armenian.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Engaged for five is an indicator. Unless the both of you came to that decision.
Does he have a relationship with parents and even then...is it a good one?
Sounds like Mom and Dad didn't have a good marriage and were neglectful or rigid parents and so he has these fears in him that prevent him from following through on his commitments.
Couple's counsellor. Time to grab this bull by it's horn.
Best Wishes.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 Does he see his parents? If he goes and visits them and never invites you, their is some sort of secret, or strange angle to it. It just doesn't make sense.
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A
male
reader, guylostinlove +, writes (30 December 2006):
Well, let's go into possible reasons from the guy's perspective ...
How often does he go home to visit his parents? Does he hold a well paid/decent job? If he does, the money is not the issue ... that is if he contributes his half of the expenses and stuff.
Perhaps he already knows his parents dislike you for whatever reason (maybe because of the kids) and doesn't want to introduce you because he knows his parents will shoot you down.
He could also have a very bad relationship with his parents to begin with and doesn't want you to see that side of his family.
As for some of the other suggestions ... I say this ... If this guy is not a bum and isn't living off of you .. committed to you and your kids ... then what difference does that ring matter? I think his actions (aside from the issue with his parents) should be a better example than what some silly ring can say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): well i had that experience too. id been with my boyfriend for 10 years plus we have son, he never marry me because he still married, he promise he will devorce his wife but he never did, i give up' 10 years i think its a little too much... all i can tell to you is' forget it'you deserve better than him. dont waste your time waiting for nothing. there is realy a man like that who doesnt care the feeling of their partner. their just bit A_hole.com good luck my dear
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): I don't know anything about ARmenians so I don't know if culturally there is anything that might be influencing this, but one thing does come to mind.
You are financially independent and you have been letting this man live with you for 5 years without being married. Why?
Living together does not make for a great marriage down the road for some reason, and the fact that he won't introduce you to his parents or even talk about getting married sure sounds to me like he is really happy just letting you pay for the roof over his head.
I can't tell you what to do, but if you don't like the arrangement, change it.
Ask him to move out, you know the rest....ask for a marriage proposal, don't apologize, tell him if he can't even talk about it or give you a timeline, then you have to move on...break up with him....if he is serious about you he will come back with a ring, if he doesn't you won't have wasted a day more of your life in an unsatisfactory relationship, it isn't what you want is it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I hate to say this but in a way you've let it happen by going along with it so long. You got engaged and still hadn't met them. Do these parents definitely exist? Do they know you exist? Could he be ashamed of them and not you as you're thinking?
Could he already be married, though long separated??
With the parents - one time you know he is at their house, could you go round for him? Doesn't need to be a scene - you just needed to see him urgently on some excuse, couldn't call, whatever.
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