A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and i love him a lot. He was a first and I do plan to marry him. One problem though- he lies to me without thinking I know about it.He looks at porn and lies about it, keeps pictures of other girls on his computer and looks up his ex sometimes on google. I already have trust issues because of my last boyfriend.. I'm just having a hard time trusting him. And, unfortunately, I did do a bit of snooping to find all of this out, and he always turns arguments on me!He's supposed to go to his best friend's bachelor party in a couple weeks and i really don't trust him enough to go.. i don't know what i'm supposed to do! :(i don't want to bring up his lying and have him turn it on me!!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 August 2009):
 Let's look at the lying. "Intent to deceive." Why lie about what you're doing? Could be his fear of being look down on. Guilt and not wanting to be found out for his porn watching and google searching. My thought is, if you feel you can't be honest, you probably shouldn't be doing what you're dong in the first place.
You love him, you have trust issues and fears as well. You don't want these to be turned into a quest to control what he does. In a relationship, you have to understand there are temptations to make the wrong choice. It's not your place to restrict him from making those choices. You trust that he won't, but if he does you too have choices. You can choose to forgive, or you can choose to move on.
Because of a past relationship, you assume his behavior will be the same. I know it hurts when trust is broken, but it's wrong to take the broken trust someone else causes and pin the possibility of it being broken again on someone who hasn't shown you that they will act in the same way.
I wonder what has happened to cause this characteristic of not telling the truth. Has his past been in a place where you'd rather avoid the truth than to receive punishment by facing it? There can be many reasons for this to happen. Even so, if you want any relationship to work, trust and truth are requirements. This is where you need to decide what you're willing to accept as part of your relationship. You may love him, but there are some things you shouldn't compromise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): That's what liars do, try and make the other person feel bad or even tell them they are ridiculous. Why go down the same route twice? Tell him he has to treat you right and explain what that means. If he won't, dump him.
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