A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so...I've been in a relationship for just short of two years now.In the first three months, the man cheated on me and I did dump him but I've always been forgiving so I took him back. The part that hurt more than his cheating was that at that point in time, he and I were strictly internet and he cheated online and when I asked him about what he did he said, "It was just some meaningless internet thing." and when he called to talk about it I started to yell about how if she was just a meaningless internet fling, what was I? But after a few weeks, I did forgive him. ...sorta.I never learned to trust him again, but I had gotten to the point where I didn't think about the girl so much, but did always fear he was cheating with someone else.Since the incident, he's moved to be near me, in fact, we live together and have for the last nine months. Though, that hasn't helped my compulsion to think he's being unfaithful.I know he's lied about some things, but I always fear he's lying about others. For instance, I found a package of cigarettes in the house and asked if they were his, knowing full well that they were since no one else lives here and I don't smoke. He lied and said they weren't and started screaming that maybe they were mine.We talked about after two or three weeks and he admitted they were his. I explained that it was his own business if he smoked or not but it was my business that he lied to me.Today, though, I logged into my AIM and saw the screen name belonging to the girl he cheated on me with. Now, I'm obsessing over it again.I keep thinking, "was she prettier than me?" "what did she do for him that I couldn't?" and when he told me that she wasn't half as pretty as me and that she didn't do anything I couldn't, I asked why then, if she wasn't any better, was she worth nearly losing me over?Am I being unhealthy in obsessing over this?
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Why do we females keep on believing in a fairy tale.. I can associate with you-the guy I love has had flirtatious sexual coversations with nearly all his female friends. I had this feeling all along-but then went through his stuff and eventually found the truth. At least I know I'm not paranoid! The thing that makes me so angry is how he used to tell me I'm just jealous of his female friends.. My mind knows murdering him is illegal-now if only my heart will catch up and stop loving the good there was in him!
A
female
reader, lalybug2008 +, writes (18 July 2008):
 I know exactly how you're feeling. My current bf and I have been together for 3yrs off and on. He's cheated on me numerous times. Lies about almost everything and expects me to trust him. It doesn't happen. I too obsess over things where he is concerned. My bf is a boomerrang. He bounces between me and his ex gf. So I'm always obsessing over that and the pain he's inflicted upon me emotionally. But for some reason, I can't seem to break up with him and move on. I'm stuck in this hell hole. I have AIM too and I check up on him if and when I can. It isn't healthy at all. If you can, break free from it. If it was only an online thing, then just let it be... if he's met her in person then there's your sign. If you ever want to chat, I'm on AIM and can give you my screen name. Best of luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, BendychickP  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Yes, it is unhealthy to obsess over a certain thing for such a long time. All I can say is that one of the biggest elements of a relationship is trust and without trust it can't really work. It also usually starts with small things, like the smoking thing. Has he ever told a little white lie about something? It usually starts small then gets bigger and bigger. You need to confront your boyfriend about this and tell him how you are feeling. Hopefully, you have nothing to worry about. Even if the relationship does end, you have your whole life ahead of you, why waste your time thinking about this sort of thing? Best of luck,
Bendy xx
...............................
|
