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female
,
anonymous
writes: I had sex with a guy i know last nite. I am not normally the kind of girl who has one nite stands. I feel so guilty and i can't understand why i feel that way or why i did it really. I got ditched by my ex quite some time ago but still i feel like i'm being disloyal even though we've been over for so long. Is that normal? I thought that maybe i did it to try and get over constantly thinking about my ex and the pain he caused me. I'm not sure that theory is really working for me. I know i can do whatever i want when i'm single but why do i feel so bad? Do i have to spend the rest of my life without sex with anyone because of feeling this way? If this is normal does it ever go away? please help!! thanks!
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 Hey there, don't be so hard on yourself! You know I think I'd feel the same as you. I 've just split up from someone and altough I'm getting comfortable with the split I don't really know how I'd ever be able to 'be' with any one else in that way... I've got a feeling that when / If!! it happens I will be feeling exactly the same you. Guilty when you really have no reason to be guilty. Maybe its just part of the rooton cycle of splitting up with someone special, maybe it will get better over time...
I once seen someone write on her that love is beautiful until it unleashes its full power. (And thats the ugly side!) I'm guessing you were in love with your ex? You've done quite well moving on, and I think you've answered your own question without realising it....
You said this one night stand / rebound thing is working for you (and it doesn't work for me either) so here's the advice hun.. Don't do it. Don't let yourself have a one night stand. Instead if you find yourself attracted to someone form a friendship first, flirt a little, let him chase you. Then it will all just be completely naturall, When you are happy with a new bloke then sleep with him and make your relationship full.. If you don't find yourself comfortable with a bloke then DON'T sleep with him until you are.
Keep your chin up there is hope yet! ;-)
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon x x
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (23 March 2006):
 Lot's of people feel this way in the cold light of day about the way they've acted the night before, whether they were drunk or not. I just think you value sex very highly and don't just want to do it with people to pass the time. You feel like it is something more important than that and that's why you feel so weird about what you did. That's not a bad thing, it just means you respect yourself and want to wait for the right person.
You obviously still miss your ex, as you say you still think about him. No matter how long we're officially apart from someone, it doesn't mean we stop loving them so that may be why you feel like you 'cheated' on him when you slept with someone else so long after.
This feeling will go away, I'm sure. You just need to realise that women can do exactly what men do, this is the 21st century and if women want to gratify themselves sexually, just like men have done for so long, they are entitled to. As long as you are safe and protect yourself, of course.
But I admire your view of sex; you see it as something really special, not just a mess about and you're very lucky. Don't do something like that again, you don't sound like the type of girl. Concentrate on sorting yourself out, getting over your ex and getting your confidence back. Good luck
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