A
male
age
41-50,
*nthebrink
writes:My fiance broke off a friendship with her ex last year after I came out and we realized things were serious between us. While I was in Arizona handeling legal matters She called and said that the owner had rehired him to the company we both work for the week prior and that she had just come back from playing golf with her ex, her boss and another friend. I was upset not only had she not said he had been rehired but that she was out playing golf with him while I was gone. Apparently Im not allowed to be upset about it and im supposed to understand their relationship and be ok with it. Am I wrong?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): I had this same problem with my then girlfriend now wife.
She basically told me I don't have a right to tell her who she can and can't talk too. And that it's all innocent so I should just accept it for what it is.
It is a moral isssue with me and I could never understand how it meant more to her to keep this "friendship" with an ex; than my feelings on the matter.
We went through a lot before I finally set my boundaries and told her, she was right. I couldn't tell her who to talk to, or who can be her friend; but that if she was that inconsiderate of my feelings that she couldn't make me stick around.
We broke it off for 2 weeks and she came back to me and to this day has never had contact with him again.
Be kind, but tell her this is unacceptable. And don't back down. I would always give in because I loved her and didn't want to lose her. But you have to understand if she doesn't give a crap about you it's not someone you want to build a life with no matter how amazing she is.
Trust me, she wouldn't put up with it if the situation was reversed.
There's not much you can do about them working together but she doesn't have to "hang out" with him. Simple as that.
If she REALLY loves you, she wouldn't have a problem with it. If it was reversed would you give up an old ex for her?
If your answer is yes, and she's not doing it for you...I'm sorry to say you need to reevaluate your relationship.
Don't make my mistake. I went through so much crap I wish I could have avoided.
And it was hard, but if my wife wouldn't have come back; I know I made the right choice because I want my wife to do for me, what I would do for her.
A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Hi. It was wrong of her not to tell you he was back with the company and she was out playing golf with him. I suppose she cant really control who her boss hires but she doesnt have to partake in leisure activities with her ex. It sounds as if shes done a 180 on a prior agreement she made with you and shes now expecting you to "suck it up". Thats not a very good sign and shows she cant keep to an agreement, And by not even warning you that he was around again and they were out together...allbeit on the green...it shows that shes easily tempted to do things she knows you wont like. And she doesnt think of your feelings much when shes doing! I think you need to have a chat with her and reset your boundries!
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